Why is it so hard for people to say how they feel? Is it ignorance, indifference, or is it because people have suppressed their true feelings so much they just don’t want to acknowledge them, or maybe don’t know how to deal with them. There are people who can probably talk/text over the phone all day without communicating anything of value. Anything that’s valuable builds, and when you’re communicating things of value, you are building relationships.
Communication can be a huge issue that can affect all of your relationships, and relationships play a huge role in determining the outcome of our lives. From how successful you will become in life, to the type of people you surround yourself with, to the type of person who you will marry. The ability to know what to say, how to say it, and when… and also have the courage to say it, is invaluable.
Earlier this evening I saw an attractive woman at a coffee shop nearby my apartment. So I thought to myself, before I leave I have to at least speak to her. Usually I’m so confident in myself that I’m generally not nervous introducing myself to people (not that I’m arrogant or not afraid of rejection, but I am so comfortable being me). So, I approached her. I introduced myself… blah, blah, blah, gave her my card, then I smiled and left.
In hindsight, I know most people have trouble walking up and talking to someone unless they had a few drinks first :). And, though I don’t talk to every attractive woman I see, if the situation presents itself and I have the energy, I will introduce myself to anyone I deem worthy of connecting with. One reason why I can communicate easily with people is because I’m honest with myself about what I want from them. And, right now I’m a single man looking for a wife, a business professional looking to build relationships, and a Christian who loves people.
I spent a few hours sitting and talking with my uncle after church this afternoon. In a conversation about something (I really can’t remember exactly, as we were just enjoying each other’s company) he said something profound. He said, “If I was intelligent enough to say the right words to respond to him (some guy), I would have. But, I didn’t have the words to say. So, I laughed and went my way.”
Now I know my uncle is an intelligent man, but it doesn’t matter if he was a genius, there are just certain situations where anyone can have a hard time expressing their feelings.
I even learned a lesson this week. Earlier this week, I decided to stop reaching out to a friend of mine. Now, this friend is probably one of the worst communicators that I have ever met. She hardly ever answers when I call, she hardly ever responds back to calls or texts, but she feels this is O.K. behavior because people should just understand that’s how she is. No… I’ll never understand. I would rather someone tell me they didn’t want me to call, than tell me I can call whenever yet they ignore my calls.
But, being a mature person, I learned that just because she’s a bad communicator doesn’t mean she’s a bad person. Nevertheless, my time is too valuable to be overly concerned about people who aren’t overly concerned about me.
I always like to end my blogs on a positive note. Communication is not only going to benefit you but also those around you. Saying “I love you” to your best friend or loved one may brighten their spirit. And, knowing how to encourage someone who’s going through struggles may give them the extra something that helps them overcome it. We have power in what we say. Communicate in wisdom and in love.
February 24, 2016 at 11:18 pm
I couldn’t agree more about the value of communication. Different situations call for different kinds of communication, though. In the case of your friend, you’ve formed a deep connection and her lack of communication is thus indicative of a deeper personal struggle (sometimes the hardest person to be honest with is ourselves).
Meanwhile, coming up to a stranger and introducing yourself isn’t so much about communication as it is about having a comfort level around strangers. I know some terrible communicators who excel at this.
You are right on the money though – the only way you can communicate genuinely and honestly with the people around you is to first learn to do this inside your own head.