Are You Looking for a Come-UP?

Recently I was reading a blog by a friend where she said that, In the game of love everybody wants to walk away from the table with a better deal than they are offering. This got me thinking…am I so vain or superficial to only look for women who can offer me more than I have to offer? Because I feel the truth behind the statement. As I thought about it more, I realized that though her statement may be true for some, or maybe even most, it wasn’t true for me.

So, in my personal debate with myself, pondering the reasons behind my dating decisions, I first wanted to think about what I have to offer. What do women who I’m attracted to want from someone like me? Well, if I asked 100 women I would probably get 100 different answers. So I came to the conclusion that I could never truly satisfy the needs of every woman, or even most women for that matter. I’m confident enough to know that I have a lot of good qualities to offer. I’m not rich but I can take care of myself, I’m intelligent, attractive, I dress nice, I’m considerate, I’m loyal…etc. And, I’m also intelligent enough to not enter a relationship with a woman who I can’t please.

Then I thought that there are a lot of women who I don’t pursue because I know what it means to be in a relationship with them. It doesn’t matter who they are, or their social or financial status. It’s like I’m not going to buy a used car with 150,000 miles on it… I don’t care how it looks, I don’t want it.

So if I’m not looking for a “come-up” then what am I looking for? Well, I don’t know exactly. I’ll know when I see it.

I do know that when I’m looking for a woman to date, I always take a look at her close friendships and her relationships with her family. Unless you live in a place that’s far away from society, or have some other exception, you should have friends. You are who you attract. Over time I feel everyone has had the chance to develop relationships with people. And, how she has managed those relationships says a lot about how she will treat me.

Some people don’t even have any close meaningful friendships. How can someone think they can manage a lifelong relationship when they can’t even manage the relationships with their friends?

I understand that people come and go in life, as we all are on our own journey. But when I see a woman who is close with her family or has invested in close friendships over years, it shows me that she values people, and she knows how to manage relationships. And, that’s very important when looking to have a relationship with someone who you intend to marry.


svg4 min read

Jason Perry

I'm a black man with Christian values. A father to my son, a friend to those who desire my friendship, a lover of life and even more...


  • Nzingajulson7

    January 29, 2016 at 2:07 pm

    Loved reading this. So much wisdom in it. Thanks for sharing.

  • jason

    January 29, 2016 at 2:11 pm

    Thanks for reading 🙂


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This is my journal, my journey, and my perspective in life – JP

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