Been Single for a While Now

I read a statement earlier this morning one of my friends posted on Instagram that read, “People who have been single for too long, are the hardest to love. They’ve become so used to being single, independent, and self sufficient, that it takes something extraordinary to convince them that they need you in their life.”

After reading it I was like, that post has so much truth in it. My life growing up was very unique. Though I always flirted with a lot of girls, my standards where a little high because I felt like I shouldn’t be with just any girl. Plus I was a virgin (I delighted in that I was different), and I didn’t really know how to express my real feelings. I honestly didn’t date anyone until I was 29, as I wanted to save myself for my wife. During that time I was constantly being encouraged to suppress my feelings, to wait for the perfect woman. But as time went by, I naturally matured; I saw many of my friends happily married with children. I wanted to enjoy my life like them, plus my hormones were raging inside me! I finally realized something at 29. I’ll never find a perfect woman… because I’m not perfect. My infatuations with women ended. And, I began to engage in real intimate relationships.

So, I’ve been single now for over 7 months. And, I do want someone extraordinary in my life. Where do I go to find love? Who is willing to get to know my heart? Who has the time to really develop a new relationship. Everyone is busy living life. I just want to put on Luther Vandross and listen to “Stop to Love”.

But the thing is, people will stop their life when their favorite football team comes on TV, or when they want to go to one of their favorite events, or spend hours hanging out with their friends… yet won’t make time or effort to pursue a relationship with someone they’re attracted to. They would rather stay single. I believe I know why many people feel this way. People don’t value marriage and a lot of people have been hurt very badly so they close their hearts.

If you don’t see the benefits from being married or from establishing a committed relationship, then you won’t value it or pursue it. Don’t get me wrong, hey, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with wanting to be single and being close-minded towards pursuing intimate relationships. There are a lot of men & women who have gone through traumatic experiences in relationships, or who don’t have wisdom on how to choose good relationships, or who aren’t willing to make the necessary sacrifices to make it happen. I’m not one of those people.

Being in my mid-thirties I have no problem with honesty. I am very secure in who I am, and I have very little expectations for people. I’ve gotten to the point where I truly wasn’t even sad/depressed that I was alone on Valentine’s day. I’m not even getting that morning feeling as much as I used to (if you know what I mean)… all of this makes me feel like I’m becoming a little too comfortable with being single. I’m not cool with that. So, I got on Tinder for about 2 weeks, I went to a few social events, and I’m going on a date tomorrow. One thing I know for sure, I’m cool with being single for now, but I’m not going to be the guy sitting alone in a rocking chair with a house full of cats in my old age… nope, not me.

svg5 min read

Jason Perry

I'm a black man with Christian values. A father to my son, a friend to those who desire my friendship, a lover of life and even more...


  • Miss Felistas

    February 21, 2016 at 9:24 am

    I don’t know about people being single for too long being the hardest to love……I just think that when you meet that person who excites you like that, loving them will flow and be superman fast (lol OK, that’s just me…..I’m forever in love in shocking time space hehe). But really, dating is hard, very hard in fact and can alter people’s perception on love but I don’t think should stop people seeking out meaningful relationships and love. I’m at a point where I’m done stuck in “things”, you know, them situations you don’t know whether you’re with someone or not and it’s just a cycle of trying to figure things out. Hopefully one day it’ll happen…..but I’m not desperate!!!

    • jason

      February 21, 2016 at 9:46 am

      Totally agree. I think we agree on a lot of levels. And a lot of others feel the same way.

  • iamsunnyd

    February 22, 2016 at 9:29 am

    I read this post and I came back today to read it again. I think its great to see a man open himself up like this. It shows that you think like some of women do. I was one of those people who had been single for a while and I got comfortable. Its less stress, plus I was hurt bad in a past relationship. I didn’t or don’t want anyone to make me feel like that.

    So I put myself out there although this current realtionship we are working on it, to see if it can work because there is a child involved, but I won’t settle for anyone. I want what I want.

    Anyways, back to you. I’m sure you won’t be single for long. You seem like a nice guy and good catch. So date and see what happens. Best of luck on your date…waiting for that blog post.

  • jason

    February 22, 2016 at 5:57 pm

    Thanks for reading! Even though they say “nice guys finish last”, I’m staying optimistic.

  • jingsebastian

    June 23, 2016 at 11:05 pm

    Nice and honest assertions. Really, it’s cool to be single.. People always tell me that I know nothing about relationships. Of course, I do know. In fact I understand a lot. Thus, the wisdom in keeping standards high.


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This is my journal, my journey, and my perspective in life – JP

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