One thing I have learned at my ripe old age of 38 years old is that life is the best teacher… some may even propose that life is the only teacher. As a younger man, when I used to have discussions with my friends (men & women) on relationships and why they would or would not get married, I really could not rationalize how anyone wouldn’t want to get married. Like isn’t marriage the embodiment of happiness and family? I remember being perplexed just thinking about the reasons why a person wouldn’t pursue marriage and a family.
Even the majority of my friends & family who were either in a bad relationship, or who married too early, or married for the wrong reasons, etc. still believed in marriage even if they went through a bad breakup or divorce. So, I have always believed in my heart that marriage & family was an essential necessity of life. But, I’m now coming to a place where I am beginning to question my thoughts on that.
Now, that I’m getting older and I am going through a divorce. I recognize how naive I was, and am, in so many ways regarding my ideas of marriage. In many ways, I look at life and people with trusting and hopeful eyes, a forgiving heart… thinking the world has my best intentions at heart. It’s only because I know I am loved. I feel love all around me, so it’s easy to give love. And, in a perfect world it’s nothing wrong with being positive, hopeful, and trusting.
However, the truth about my life is that I don’t live in a perfect world. And, if I don’t protect myself no one will. As most people are generally selfish, even if they love you. In most cases the average person who may offend you are genuinely very sorry for hurting you, yet they still do it regardless. And, honestly some people are just evil and malicious… and that’s just the truth.
Being raised with Christian ideals, I always have understood marriage from a biblical perspective, however one thing I have learned over the last few months is that the idea of marriage is not the same for everyone. Even though there are certain aspects of marriage which are universal, there are various legal aspects of marriage which differ from state to state. We all know what the Bible says about marriage and divorce, but even the Bible permits divorce for various reasons and talks about how tough marriage can be.
(1 Corinthians 7:28) …But those who marry will face many troubles in this life, and I want to spare you this.
I used to feel that people who married and also signed a prenuptial agreement did not really trust each other, which ultimately meant they weren’t meant for each other… but now I totally understand why it is done, and I don’t feel it’s anything wrong with having an agreement. I had to live and learn.
Live and learn. Time reveals all things. I do believe that the longer you live the wiser you become.
Marriage is not for everyone. There are so many critical aspects that can make or break a relationship. This may not be true for everyone, but I will always feel this… marriage is likened to a business, and your spouse is like your business partner. And, people who think they can do everything by themselves, they want to be an independent boss, they don’t like sharing the wealth or investing in others, or they have trust issues… they all need to stay single.
I know a lot of people who are in their late 30’s and 40’s who are happily single. Not that I plan on being single for long, for reasons I don’t need to mention 🙂 . Nevertheless, the pain I now have causes me to be more grateful, as I will never take a virtuous woman for granted ever again. And, I will never be too shy to speak, or too insecure to show my attraction/feelings for her.
(Proverbs 31) – An excellent wife who can find? She is far more precious than jewels. The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain. She does him good, and not harm, all the days of her life. …
December 5, 2018 at 12:55 am
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December 17, 2018 at 11:29 am
Be soft. Do not let the world make you hard. Do not let pain make you hate. Do not let the bitterness steal your sweetness. Take pride that even though the rest of the world may disagree, you still believe it to be a beautiful place.
KURT VONNEGUT, JR.