What Qualities Are Most Important In A Relationship?

The holiday season is almost here! This is the time for families to come together, it is the season for hot cocoa and tea cakes, for kisses under the mistletoe and NBA basketball šŸ™‚ . The holiday season is also the time of year when many people are looking for love. And, it doesn’t matter if you’re single or married. People are literally on their phones looking for someone to call, someone to spend time with, they are looking for love like they shop for clothes. Statistics state that more people join online dating sites during the holiday season than any other time of year.

Though most of my friends and family are married, and I’m getting old šŸ™‚ , I still see how the season affects life around me. While being out and about this past weekend, I smiled as I saw teenagers holding hands walking through the mall. I remember those days. This is the time of year where teenagers are up all night talking to their boyfriend/girlfriend, college students are flirting, dating around and evaluating their future relationships, and single young adults are seeking to find out who they want to marry and build a family with.

Being in my late 30’s, I’ve had the privilege to see how things can change over time, specifically in how someone views relationships and the things which they find attractive. Now, I’m not saying that the women I found attractive in my 20’s aren’t attractive to me now. No! I’m simply trying to say that over time people (men and women) become wiser, and with that wisdom they are able to better recognize the most important qualities necessary to have a compatible successful relationship/marriage.

So, let me ask you a question. Regardless, if you are married or single, what are the qualities you want to see in your spouse?

For me, when I was younger,  some of the most important qualities I wanted from a woman was that she…

  1. had a great SMILE
  2. was THIN or athletic,
  3. had a CREATIVEKIND spirit, and
  4. was a CHRISTIAN.

Well, some people may look at those qualities and say that I was just another guy who was vain… well, maybe I was, maybe I wasn’t. I do know that I could not live with a woman who didn’t share my same values of diet, exercise and physical health. I feel like everyone has certain things they want from a spouse. Now as an older man, not that I don’t want those same qualities, I just can now see the qualities that separate a girlfriend from a wife. And, I now see past certain things and see the greater value of a woman who possesses the qualities which matter most to me now.

If you were to ask me right now, what do I want from a spouse. I would tell you that I want a woman who RESPECTS me, and APPRECIATES what I do (or sacrifice) for her.

No one wants to open a gift box that’s empty. There are a lot of women and men out there who are attractive, who are sexy, who are good communicators, and who have good careers. But, there are few people in the world who will make the extra effort to make you smile, or who will listen to you talk for an hour and be interested in something just because of you, or sincerely want to be close to you, and even less who are positive emotionally-stable honest responsible adults who are willing to make lemonade when life gives them lemons.

Just like Tina Turner said, “What’s love gotta do with it?” Love is important. But, love is only one aspect of any relationship/marriage. Recognize the qualities which are most important and value them.

svg5 min read

Jason Perry

I'm a black man with Christian values. A father to my son, a friend to those who desire my friendship, a lover of life and even more...

One Comment

  • Tim Perry

    November 12, 2018 at 11:29 pm

    this is a good one jake. love it broski.


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This is my journal, my journey, and my perspective in life – JP

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