Close

Dating in your Thirties

As you get older, the harder it becomes to date. The more difficult it is to meet people you’re attracted to, find people you’re compatible with, people who share similar values, and people who simply want to be in a relationship and are willing to give their time and energy to build a relationship. I am beginning to see more and more single women who would prefer to hang out with their female friends, rather than go on a date. Why is that?

Being a single man in my thirties, I feel that there are a few issues that I have to deal with personally, so this blog will mainly focus on those.

First of all, dating is obviously easier earlier in life when you’re young and have a lot of energy. If you are around the general college age range, 18-25, it’s normal to think you’ll always have the opportunity to do everything. But you will not always have the time, resources, and plethora of single people at your random availability. Time never stops… and eventually we all mature, take on responsibilities and become busy pursuing our individual dreams.

In a dating relationship, regardless if you have amazing chemistry between each other, I think it’s wise to take your time, not rush into sex, or into commitment. Experience the romance of dating… get to know each other. Dating for some is like a preliminary race before the main event (marriage). But it shouldn’t be rushed or overly thought through. Just like the best food usually takes the most time to prepare, the best relationships also take time to create and require a lot of ingredients.

Being in my mid-thirties I have had to deal with issues and questions that are a little complicated, and require me to really evaluate my feelings so I can make wise decisions. Here are just a few… Do I want to date a woman with kids? Am I willing to date a woman who lives across the country? Am I willing to be with a woman who doesn’t share my same values, but we get along? Should I have sex with someone I’m interested in (even though I want to wait until marriage), because that’s how she interprets love? Should I pursue women who aren’t my type? Which events should I start going to, so I can meet single women? I’m attracted to my co-worker, I wonder how should I approach her? Do I want to date outside my race?

Now I believe there are two types of dating. Dating to pursue random intimacy and Dating with the intent to marry (also called courting). Everyone is looking for something different from a dating relationship. That’s why there’s someone for everyone. One study states that the median age of women who are getting married is 27, and for men it’s 29. Studies are even showing that people in my generation are marrying less and are waiting longer to get married.

For me, it would be more accurate to say that I date with the intention to find friendship with someone I’m attracted to.  And, then after I find friendship I date with the intent to marry. There are so many people who have no purpose, goals, aspirations in their relationships. Anyone who I date, I truly value them, and I treat them like an investment (you are investing time into them). You need to be wise about who you invest into and understand how they can invest in you.

Honestly, though I am currently open to dating… I don’t know how/when I’m going to find my someone special. People always tell me, “Jason, you’re a good guy, I promise you’ll meet someone special sooner than you think!” I would love to meet and start a relationship organically, but maybe I should try online dating like, Tinder or Eharmony. I’m tired of being single. I don’t care what anyone says, people are difficult and dating is hard.

svg5 min read

Jason Perry

I'm a black man with Christian values. A father to my son, a friend to those who desire my friendship, a lover of life and even more...

18 Comments

  • makupsy

    March 8, 2016 at 1:21 am

    I loved this piece. I am 30 and believe me dating has become something that isn’t at the top of my list of things to do. Like you said “people are difficult and dating is hard.” However, I would like to believe that everyone has a special someone they will eventually end up with when the time is right. Sit tight, the love of your life is on her way.

    Reply
    • jason

      March 8, 2016 at 10:08 am

      Thanks for your encouraging words ☺. It’s all about what you want. Follow your heart, but plan for your future. There is no substitute for a committed loving meaningful relationship. They give you life, not take it from you.

      Reply
  • Ahensimmons

    March 8, 2016 at 2:03 pm

    Ah, greetings Jason! You’ve done it again! Lol. Another masterpiece! I couldn’t have written a better post! Although I am not 30 yet, but I’m knocking on 30’s door in about 6 months, yikes! I can wholeheartedly relate to your struggle. It is insanely real in the streets! I find myself asking myself similar questions you have posed, like am I willing to date a man with kids, let alone with 4 teenage daughters? Am I willing to date a guy who is 15 years my senior? I have been online dating for 3 months and it has been just as challenging, if not more than meeting folks in person. I’ve even found myself placing personal ads! I am also considering hiring a matchmaker and relocating back to my hometown in hopes I can expand my territory in finding a male of color, because in Eugene, the struggle is more than real, it’s live.

    Keep ya head up! Perseverance is key, I’m learning.
    Best of luck in your search and flow your heart!
    Ahen

    Reply
    • jason

      March 8, 2016 at 2:08 pm

      I know you feel me. I always expected at 30 I would reach the door of stability and consistency in my career and love life. Neither has been the case.

      Reply
  • markednmoxey

    March 8, 2016 at 10:57 pm

    I really don’t have much to say except… Yes to ALL of that!

    Reply
    • jason

      March 8, 2016 at 11:28 pm

      Thanks for your Yes. I appreciate you taking the time to read it.

      Reply
  • Jay Colby

    March 9, 2016 at 11:02 am

    I enjoyed your post if you have some free time check out my site

    http://jaycolby.com/

    Reply
    • jason

      March 9, 2016 at 3:07 pm

      Thanks Jay…Will do!

      Reply
  • Miss Felistas

    March 20, 2016 at 9:26 am

    I love your pieces Jason so really, this was no different.

    I think dating for commitment is hard, regardless of the age that you are at. I will be 25 next month and I can honestly say I’m experiencing the same struggles I did finding love now as I did back when I was 23! It may seem as though the younger you are, the easier it is – which maybe true BTW if only if dating for, let’s say, sex, fun etc. A lot of people are not ready to commit. Too many people have it drummed into their head that a relationship is draining and will stop them from having fun, all which isn’t true but then again, you are right, there’s just too much to consider before finding a life partner!

    After my last relationship, I prayed and promised God that until the right person came along, all I was going to do was wait. I truly believe that there’s that one person made perfect for each one of us – the question is, how patient with God can you be?

    Reply
    • jason

      March 20, 2016 at 9:42 am

      Or, a question I’ve always struggled with… “Is God in the matchmaking business, and ?”

      Reply
      • Miss Felistas

        March 20, 2016 at 10:16 am

        I think He is but very part-time in it though.

        However…

        We serve a Faithful God whose timing is forever perfect and knows the right time to bless us! All we need is patience….even when He takes His time. His timing is perfect!

  • jason

    March 20, 2016 at 9:45 am

    … I honestly have too many questions. But I suppose all of them can be answered when I obtain: Patience, Wisdom and Faith

    Reply
  • theginnydiaries

    March 29, 2016 at 12:28 pm

    It’s really refreshing hearing this from a male perspective. Because honestly, I haven’t even dated much but I’m already tired of dating. I wonder too if I even have the energy to invest in another human being, when I exhaust my own self. To me and from what I’ve seen, men have this thing simpler, easier. Your pickings are greater. You can date up and down the age curve and it’s no problem, but as a 29 year old woman, I can’t take a man below 27 seriously and I personally think that a 37 year old is too much for me. But honestly, I want to be courted. I want to find my best friend and just journey life with him. I’d love to be less skeptical about male motivations. And you’re very right, doing this thing when you’re younger, you think there’s always time. And perhaps there still is. It’s just refreshing realising that my qualms aren’t singular to my gender. Thanks for posting this. And, I hope you find her.

    Reply
    • jason

      March 29, 2016 at 9:37 pm

      Thanks for responding! There are so many reasons why dating is harder/easier for certain people. I don’t think men have it easier than women when it comes to dating (but that’s from a male perspective) 🙂 . I feel it all depends on what you want, your openness to receiving love from certain people, and having the courage to make lifestyle changes in order to make a relationship work. And, obviously love. I pray you find your special someone.

      Reply
      • theginnydiaries

        March 29, 2016 at 9:44 pm

        Thank you. And thank you. ☺

  • gchan7127

    April 23, 2016 at 12:11 am

    This is a very good post. :). I am glad you have found someone now! (I am reading your latest posts first lol)

    Reply
    • jason

      April 23, 2016 at 10:56 am

      Thanks!

      Reply

Leave a Reply to makupsy Cancel reply

This is my journal, my journey, and my perspective in life – JP
%d bloggers like this: