The topic of relationships and finding a special woman is constantly on my mind being an eligible bachelor in my mid 30’s. After talking to one of my friends this afternoon about the type of women I’m interested in, she told me to read a blog called The Rebirth of Courtship: 4 Things Men Should Know About It. So like the good guy I am, I did 🙂 . Plus I love reading women’s perspectives on relationships.
In the aforementioned blog, the writer was basically saying that men should treat and respect women more by taking them out on dates, and value the rules of courtship. Now, I’m all about respecting women. No woman who I’ve ever been with could ever say that I didn’t treat them with respect and courtesy.
Ok… I want to first say this, in response to the blog. Being a gentleman to a woman only matters to women who value gentlemen.
Every woman wants something different. I promise this is true. Courting is cool, I agree with courting… buying flowers and candy, taking a woman on a date, and all of that. I actually love the romance of it all. But, dating today is totally different than it was just a few years ago, in the 90’s when I was a teenager.
Finding someone who I’m compatible with is hard! And if people were more honest, I feel most people (men and women) may know what they want, but don’t know what type of person they need. Because they haven’t seen too many successful relationships to really know how to create one.
So why do women want to be courted? Is it because they want to go to the movies and out to eat? Or is it because they want to spend quality time with a man they’re interested in. Every woman has her reasons I suppose.
I know one reason courting isn’t like it used to, just communicating has become an issue. I remember going on a date with a girl, I picked her up from her house and took her to a nice restaurant. Once we got there she texted on her phone more than she spoke to me. Not many women are willing to sacrifice the time/energy it takes to be courted, or create a new relationship. As most single women I’m attracted to in my age range (because I can’t date these young girls) are already in a relationship, or have so many commitments (kids, family, job) that it can be so difficult to connect with them. And, more people are dating without purpose, just so they can be with someone.
So what type of woman am I looking for? Honestly this isn’t an easy question to answer. I could give a socially correct answer like… I’m looking for an attractive woman who shares my same values that loves God. And, that would be true, but it still wouldn’t be totally 100% true. Because I would date & marry a woman with kids, who doesn’t look like a model, who isn’t on my same level spiritually, who doesn’t have the best family, etc. I know that any woman who I meet will have baggage and issues. I know I have mine.
The man who I am today isn’t attracted to the same women I was attracted to in my 20’s. I have evolved. I believe the wants of women have evolved, as well a man’s role in the life of a professional woman. Today there are more independent professional single women who don’t need a man financially or socially. Even though they still need a man to satisfy their physical desires.
At this point in my life, dating without the intention of marrying is simply put, “hanging out”. And, I already have a lot of friends to hang out with. I need… well, let’s say it like this, I want to treat a woman like she’s the most special thing in the world, and I’m only going to commit to a woman who wants to treat me the same way.
That’s why I believe that people should take the time to get to know each other through phone conversations and minimal texts first. If she can converse with you on the phone for hours on end then when you get to dinner she won’t be pulling out her phone. However, I do pull out my phone at dinner only when my son calls. He calls every night that he is with his dad. Men understand that and it goes back in my purse. There are women out there that appreciate a man for who he is and not what he has. I know you will find her.
Thanks! I love your kind words.
I think that we have to respect people’s obligations at all times, whether on dates or with friends and family.
LOVE YOUR POST!! I agree that dating is nothing like it was back in the 90’s! After my husband passed away, I had a hard time with the dating game! It seem like people like to spend more time texting then actually engaging in an actual conversation! I also agree that my view on what kind of man I wanted has changed. God has someone special for us and they will share our same view and have similar dreams and goals in life. You are a rare breed and that is AWESOME in this day and age! Keep up the great writing and I look forward to reading more about the male perspective! God bless
Thanks for your comment! I’m so sorry about your husband, but I do hope you will find someone who loves you.
It’s been eight years since he has passed. He was my first love and my first boyfriend. But I am healing and learning to love myself firs before someone will love me. Love start from within and then God can send the right person into my life. So it’s in God’s time and whoever it is will be able to love me flaws and all as I do the same for him. Thank you for the encouragement! God bless
Interesting topic, i think we will touch based on this in our podcast. I love my phone but I know when it’s our time it is that. But men do that as well. It’s almost like your saying when I holding on my phone during a date, that the person your on a date with isn’t interesting.
Exactly! And, I totally understand hanging out taking pics, getting a business call or needing to respond to family calls/text. But, people who would rather search social media or play candy crush while I’m physically with them… like come on.
I’ll check out your podcast.
Next show is Dec. 17th.
I wish I could find someone my age who thinks like this! Everyone just wants to “hang out”, no one dates intentionally. It’s a good way to waste time and get feelings hurt. It sounds like you have the right idea, any lady would be lucky to go out with you!
Awww.. thank you! Hugs 😊
I think the culture of the environment dictates the lifestyle/values of those who are living in it. One of the reasons why I moved from Los Angeles is because of the culture. Expectations are high, no one wants to commit, and were to drained from living their life to be a real friend to someone else.
There is definitely a cultural difference in Louisiana! I’m sure people here are much more laid back and friendly, although it’s still difficult to find real friends.
True! Couldn’t have said it any better.
Sometimes I feel like just giving up on this dating business lol. At my age (I just turned 35 4 days ago…I think I’m the only woman I know who doesn’t care about revealing their age!) I’m stuck between dating with a purpose and just hanging out. I feel like somehow people are not really themselves when you start dating and the expected end game is the possibility of a relationship. Sometimes when you’re just friends and spend time together you might get to know someone much better as they are just being themselves and are not really out to impress? But then again at this age not many people are looking to be friends first. Everyone is just rushing to take things to the next level and I’m just like whoa, I don’t know you well enough for that yet! Don’t get me wrong though, I want commitment but I need to know someone first before I can invest so much in them.
Great thought provoking-post!
Thanks! I’m all about taking things slow. When you’re dating, I feel its about connecting with the person. And I definitely have purpose in my relationships.
Hi Jason! Thanks for checking out my blog.
This was such a great post!
I found myself laughing/ cringing. Mostly because I just vowed to leave behind some of my dating ways–one was accepting dates for free food.
The second reason is because, at 21, I fall into the “young girls” category and reading this post made me feel like I was listening-in from the kids table.
Basically, I loved this post.
Thanks for reading! ☺
I love reading from different perspectives, looking forward to reading more on your blog.
I write a lot about love and relationships if you’re interested in reading, and like the topic.