I’m definitely still learning about life every single day. Though I generally know what I want out of life, as I make out my plans every week and update my calendar with tasks, goals, and things I want to achieve, I still struggle with understanding what it all means. From trying to fulfill my desires when it comes to finding the right woman, trying to follow my heart when it comes to making decisions about my career, and just trying to live life with wisdom… sometimes I feel that nothing I do makes sense, other times I can make sense of it all. I suppose I’m still learning what it means to be 35 and single.
Honestly right now, I feel the single life is cool for me. It is not that I’m not actively looking for my special lady, I just know that even if I found her, right now I don’t have the time and energy for a serious relationship. Or maybe I could say that better, because any relationship can work if both people want to make it happen. Let me say it like this, I don’t think I can find a woman who can meet my expectations and I can meet hers. Love is not hard for me, it’s just that people are difficult… especially when they are not good at communicating their feelings or don’t understand sacrifice.
What am I working for? Who am I living for? These are questions I ask myself sometimes. I definitely need to be more confident in who I am. I need to have more faith, courage, and contentment about the choices I make when it comes to what I do for a living; and learn to be proud of who I am. I still struggle with the feeling that I’m not a man who has a career job with a large bank account. Because in my mind that’s who I want to be, but reality tells me that I’m not that man right now. I’m working to pursue happiness. I try to make the best choices for me. I’m not where I want to be, but I’m working to get there.
One great thing about being single is that my decisions only affect me. So, I can basically do what I want to do, using wisdom of course. Another thing I’ve learned is that I realize why men my age and older don’t want to get married, or are content with being single. And this is probably the feelings of both men and women… I feel that it’s easier to live alone with only yourself to please, than to live with someone else who can’t be pleased.
I just hope that I find someone who is looking for someone like me, as I want a family and all that comes with it.