A few days ago I felt the need to express something in my spirit. I initially put it off. However, after listening to a podcast a Facebook friend sent me earlier today, I feel the need to self-reflect.
The podcast she shared with me was like a personal life documentary. It was very transparent about her life. She spoke on her life experiences about being multiracial, being born in another country, and even being adopted… and how of those things played a role in who she is now.
I believe a few days ago I received a revelation and I was able to identify a generational curse within my own family. Once you are able to identify something you have the ability to change it.
No one is perfect. Everyone has a story.
One of the reasons I write blogs is due to my inherit need to express myself freely and transparently. Sometimes my mind feels like an unstable atom where positive and negative ions are constantly bouncing off of one other. Or, like a soda pop that has been shaken and ready to burst with fizz once it is opened.
This past weekend, I took a selfie picture of myself and my son. After I took the picture, I noticed that my son posed for the picture instinctively when I held the phone up to take the picture. It was the first time he posed for a picture without me telling him to smile.
Seeing my son learn never ceases to amaze me. It’s amazing when you think of all the things we learn, which were never formally taught to us. It reminds me of how Stevie Wonder taught himself how to play the piano, organ and drums without ever taking a lesson.
People will naturally perfect what they consistently practice.
Blessings and curses are passed down through relationships and families.
Just as physical characteristics are passed down in families, such as: height, weight, hair color, and skin complexion. Behavior and attitude issues are also passed down in families from one generation to the next. A person’s family history and life experiences play a critical role in their values, beliefs, passions, desires, along with their overall mental health.
Sometimes I can get emotional when I think about my family history, specifically how I was raised by my parents and grandparents.
I believe my parents and grandparents did the best they could. I wholeheartedly believe that. Their lives as African-Americans fighting for equality and civil liberties in the Jim Crow racist south was definitely much harder than my life. Their hard work provided me with many blessings which many of my peers did not have.
What is a Generational Curse?
A generational curse is the cumulative effect on a person of things that their ancestors did, believed, or practiced in the past, and a consequence of an ancestor’s actions, beliefs, and sins being passed down.
Generational Curse: Unhealthy Relationships
Every morning I wake up I have to come to terms with being a single parent. Being a single parent means you had a failed relationship or lived a sexually promiscuous lifestyle. No good parent wants their child being raised without a mother or father.
As I think about my own unhealthy relationship with my son’s mother, I also think about how my mother didn’t grow up in a two-parent household. I think about my parents being divorced. And, I recognize that my own son will be the third generation (at least… to my knowledge) in my family who was not raised in a home with his biological mother and father.
I sincerely believe my poor choices regarding dating relationships was not merely because of my lack of intelligence nor my ignorance of healthy relationships… it was deeper than that. It was spiritual. I have to break the curse of unhealthy relationships in my family.
Generational Curse: Giving and Showing Love
There are unforgetable moments in life. I will never forget when my mother told me she felt I didn’t love her. Even as a teenager I understood her feelings were irrational, as anyone on the outside looking in could discern my love for her through words and actions. I was literally the definition of a “momma’s boy”.
In that moment I recognized our family had a different way of showing love and support to each other. I have to admit, growing up I rarely heard words of affirmation or affection from my parents. They expressed love to my brother and I by taking care of our financial needs and basic necessities. However, children need love expressed to them in every love language… quality time, support and service, words of affirmation, affection (hugs and kisses), and gifts.
Now as an adult, I clearly see reasons why I lacked confidence, was unaffectionate, and dealt with identity issues as a young man. Although I believe my parents did a good job in raising me, I also believe my parents oftentimes did not express love with my brother and I in an healthy manner (which they probably learned from their parents). Sometimes when they expressed love it seemed like it was given as a reward for good behavior, and not in a genuine manner. Which I personally feel is toxic.
True love should never be expressed in a transactional manner.
**Note: It’s hard to write about personal subjects without casting judgment on those in my family, so I will not elaborate or mention specific actions or behaviors of my close family so not to demean them. As my intention when writing this blog is simply to express my heart and spread truth and light in this dark world.
How Do I Break A Generational Curse?
Breaking a generational curse can be like pulling weeds in a flower bed, while sweating in the summertime Louisiana heat. 🙂 It takes work… and prayer.
It involves being honest with yourself, acknowledging past mistakes… self-reflection. And, forgiving yourself and those you love. Some people feel this is best done through some form of therapy. I believe it’s best done by having intimate conversations with those you love and trust.
I listed a few questions below. Take some time and review them… even talk about them with someone you trust. I believe breakthroughs happen when people acknowledge the hard truths of life with transparency when discussing sensitive subjects and seek godly wisdom.
- Were you impacted by a divorce, separation or affair?
- How many unhealthy relationships have you been in?
- Do you feel loved by your parents, friends, and family?
- Have you abused drugs or alcohol?
- Were you abused physically or emotionally?
- Has someone close to you died? (including an abortion, miscarriage or suicide)
- Have you had an abortion?
- Do you have problems managing money?
- When was the last time someone you respected told you they loved you or were proud of you?