The last few days have been very tasteless. It’s Saturday morning. I just finished making my son some breakfast. Today I will take full advantage of the weekend by getting some rest and lying in bed. However, since I’m not really tired I decided to write a blog and express my feelings. Lately I’ve been feeling indifferent and ambivalent towards life in general. My life sometimes feels like a merry-go-round. I’m moving, but as I look around I realize I’m not going anywhere.
It’s not like I’m being lazy, or I haven’t actively been doing things. Honestly, this past week has truly been pretty busy for me.
I had to pick up a few more tasks/duties at work as things have changed at my office, and we are only a few weeks into 2023. I enrolled my son in a Taekwondo class last week, and we attended two classes this past week (even though I decided we’re not going to any more classes, as it’s not meeting up to my expectations). I spent some time in the gym this week. I started working on my taxes this week. I even took a few hours and cleaned up one of my personal email inboxes, which was a big thing. Plus, I’ve been putting a lot of energy into dating and talking on the phone, as I recently met someone who I feel is very worthwhile.
This week I also planned and finalized the travel itineraries for travel plans this summer. I booked an international trip to Jamaica with a group of people who follow the Dear Future Wifey podcast. I’m really looking forward to it, as it’s my first time going on a group trip with complete strangers. I am also traveling to Hawaii this summer as well (most likely by myself, but I don’t care). This will be my first summer vacation as an adult.
And, obviously I am always busy taking care of my son’s daily needs, as I’m a single parent of a toddler. Just getting my son ready for school. Taking him to school. Picking him up from school. Responding to messages from the school. Managing his classwork and school activities. Being a parent is a job in itself.
Being a father has taught me so much about life. My son is one of my biggest motivators in life. Seeing my son grow, learn, and smile brings me great joy.
What Do I Expect Out of Life?
I try not to have too many expectations in life. I do my best to live vicariously with spontaneity. I learned long ago that there are so many things in life which are out of my control. This understanding has molded my perspective of life. I view life through a lens as if I were on a boat sailing and navigating my way through the ocean. Always mindful of the changing winds. Always focused on arriving at my destination. And, always prepared for the unexpected… because you have to always be a little fearful when you’re sailing, as things can change at any moment in time.
Nevertheless, I do expect to be happy. I expect to live a life of excellence. I expect to work hard and accomplish certain goals.
As I think about it, I suppose those are both wants and expectations. I feel any rational person would agree that no one always gets what they want when they want it. Regardless if they believe they can speak things into existence or manifest their dreams into reality. Although many people do believe they have the power to create their own destiny… including me. I share that belief to a degree.
I believe God has given me authority to write my own life story. But I don’t have the authority to write someone else’s life… so God has to be involved in all of my desires/wants which involve other people.
Why Are So Many People Unhappy?
I know there is no definitive answer to this question. No matter what anyone tells you, happiness cannot be bought or sold. There is nothing you can buy that will always make you happy. There is nowhere you can go where you will always be happy, whether that’s church, the Caribbean, or somewhere else. 🙂
We have to work at creating our own happiness. Then once we create it within ourselves, we can share it with others.
“Research seems to show that unhappiness – and happiness – is caused by patterns in our lives: patterns in how the things we do, which are called behavioral patterns, and patterns in the things we think, which are called cognitive patterns. Different behavioral and cognitive patterns lead to different emotional patterns, which are part of what determines how happy we feel from day to day.”Blog – 8 Major Causes of Unhappiness: Why Everyone is so Unhappy
The previous statement is a quote from a mental health academic researcher. In his research, he also found 5 behavioral and 3 cognitive patterns which can lead to unhappiness.
- Staying indoors.
- Isolating yourself (being alone)
- Excessive drinking of alcohol and drugs (I would add excessive eating as well)
- Poor sleeping habits/inability to properly rest
- Chronic inactivity/poor exercise/poor nutrition
- Tending towards dissatisfaction (focusing on negative thoughts)
- Skewed affective forecasting (trying to predict the future)
- Focusing on negative past and future events
Your happiness and emotional wellbeing has to be a top priority if you want to enjoy life, not just live it.
If anyone else is thinking to themselves, “There has to be more to life than this.” Don’t worry too much. Feelings are like seasons, they come and go.
Nevertheless, take some time to yourself and look inwardly, so you can accurately diagnose any behavioral or cognitive patterns which may need to change.
It’s a new year. Every day we have the freedom, authority and power to make new decisions. Do something you’ve never done before today. Be courageous. Live and enjoy your life. You only have one life to live.