All the single ladies. All the single ladies. Today I took time to shed a little wisdom on establishing and maintaining healthy dating relationships. I’m not going to cross the emotional sea waves and venture out into the the depths of everything which goes into dating. I want to simply touch base on a few core things which I believe many single women who want companionship may need to hear, as they embark into today’s dating environment.
First things first. I’m not a relationship coach. If you want their advice I’m sure there are many books available for purchase at Barnes & Nobles. However, I do feel my perspective is as valid as anyone else’s.
Understanding how to navigate through today’s dating environment can be very scary. Many single women are experiencing anxiety, fear, depression, past regrets, etc. before they even meet anyone and enter into a new dating relationship. It is easy to feel unsatisfied with life or overindulge in temporal pleasures when you don’t know how to possess what your mind and body is telling you that you need.
I know. Just last week I spent over $400 on an Oculus (virtual reality gaming device) because I was feeling lonely. And I don’t even play video games.
Dating for some can be very stressful. Similar to how an explorer feels when they leave all they know in life, get on a ship all alone and set sail across the ocean to an unseen foreign destination, hoping they will have a better life if they survive the journey.
Finding someone special should not feel burdensome. Dating should feel like you are on a vacation, as it is a blessing to have the opportunity to meet someone you want to share your life with.
Tip #1: Know Exactly What You Want
If you are comfortable with your life and for the most part you are content with living your single lifestyle… then you will never be satisfied with anyone you date.
Being in any relationship requires sacrifice. We only make sacrifices for things we value. It requires a strong desire and courage to get on a boat and sail anywhere. No rational person would ever risk losing their comfortable lifestyle unless they feel the benefits of being in a loving relationship is worth more than staying single.
Once you undoubtedly know you don’t want to be single, and you figure out what type of relationship you want (whether long-term or short-term, or if you want to be in an exclusive or open relationship… it doesn’t really matter, as there will always be men who want exactly what you want) you will place a greater respect for those who are able to meet your needs.
Your options may be fewer than normal, but your choices will be better. As they will be based upon your compatibility and the agreement you both want the same thing.
Tip #2: Be Honest and Realistic
If you have a career, a dog, friends, school, family and routines which are major parts in your life, then you may need to be honest with yourself on if the type of man you want can/will seamlessly fit into your life.
A woman I was dating once said to me, “Jason, if you want to be with me, you have to be fine with being my third or fourth priority in life.” She essentially wanted another pet to fulfill her needs when she had available time. I’m sure there are men who would love to be her third or fourth option. Not me. I’m first team. I’m honest about what I want and who I am.
Lose the façade. Be honest about what you want. Being honest does three things.
- You will attract the right people – Honesty creates clarity and clarity is specific. As you want the right person, not just anyone.
- Bad relationships will end quicker – You will spend less time debating if someone was a good match or not.
- Rejection tends to hurt less – When you are confident in who you are and secure in what you want; if/when you find yourself to be incompatible with someone, the hurtful feeling of rejection will not sting as bad. As no one wants someone who doesn’t want them.
Being realistic is simply acknowledging what’s real. For example, gravity exists. Gravity is real. No one jumps out of an airplane and starts flying because the plane was flying. They fall because of gravity. Single women who want a relationship should at least acknowledge these three things.
- Physical attraction is very important, but it is not everything – There are many happily married women who could be considered as physically unattractive by society. It’s very much true that a cute and sexy woman is very attractive to men. However, men are also very attracted to women who are available and peaceable.
- Any meaningful relationship will require you to have a face-to-face conversation – If you are meeting people via dating apps, I do not understand how a single woman can believe she can meet someone genuine if she is disingenuous on how she presents herself. I hope single women understand no man who is worth having will ever be content with a virtual dating relationship.
- Any meaningful relationship will require you to sacrifice time and energy – Meeting new people, inviting them into your life, maintaining communication, scheduling time to spend together, setting expectations, etc… all these things require energy. You should be honest and realistic with yourself (and your person of interest) about what you have to offer.
Even I have to be realistic with my energy level. As I take time off from dating from time to time.
Just yesterday I deleted all of the dating apps off my phone. I need some time off simply to relax my emotions. It takes a lot of work to interact with women on these dating apps. Plus I hate texting. But, don’t worry I’ll probably be back on them after a few weeks.
Feel free to like this post and leave a comment. Hope this helps someone.
June 18, 2022 at 8:21 am
I really like this! I mean you’re pretty much dead on. Dating nowadays seems really hard because you can’t ever tell if the person is legit or not. And typically at least around where I live the men are not ready. I’ve heard it all. Or I’ve attracted men that are just downright messed up. I use to be very open to literally anyone. If I felt like I liked them I would give it a shot. But now, I know I’m worth so much more and deserve the best. I know what I want, but I don’t attract what I want. The one time I did he had led me on for four months. I’m definitely content being single and doing my own thing, but I have my days where I would like to be with someone. Since I’m a single mother that seems to stop guys from wanting to date me as well, because my son will always be my main priority. I’m a package deal is what I always say, and I don’t want to bring someone into mine and his life if they aren’t sure about it, it’s not fair to him.
I really like this post and I definitely felt like I related to it.
July 28, 2022 at 9:52 am
Hi Victoria! I’m happy you liked it 🙂 . I’m a single father as well btw. So, I can definitely understand and relate with you. Dating as a single parent is hard. Single parents have to learn how to be wise in dating choices, but also be more vulnerable about their life, and willing to shift priorities from time to time… as we prepare our children to eventually leave the home, we need to learn how to invest our love, time and energy in someone who is going to stay.
July 26, 2022 at 9:51 pm
Really good read!! this one hit home.
July 28, 2022 at 9:54 am
Thanks Kenya! You have a nice blog btw, as I read some of the posts on your blog.