Single women. You’re on my radar today. I find many of single women I recently dated have unrealistic expectations; they have life goals which are inconsistent with their lifestyle choices. Even Denzel Washington said, “Dreams without goals, are just dreams.”
In my opinion, women in general don’t get called out enough for being disingenuous and insincere.
DisingenuousNot honest in the expression of actual feeling; hypocritical.
I’m far from perfect. This is easy for me to say, as I’ve been judged and scrutinized my whole life. The world has a negative stereotype of black men which I personally recognized once I became mature enough to see how differently life was for people all over. I feel everyone is a victim of prejudice, but we all can agree not all prejudices are made equal.
It’s natural and common for black men to be viewed with disdain. U.S. prisons are filled with black men. Black men are often labeled as aggressive, athletic, dirty, emotionally unstable, entertainers, servants, sexually promiscuous, poor fathers, inadequate leaders, lawbreakers and unintelligent. These prejudgments don’t just come from hate groups, they have also come from my friends, strangers, and even my own family.
I’ll never forget after I moved to Los Angeles in my early thirties (10 years ago). A female friend (who I was attracted to at the time) told me she assumed I didn’t have a job and drove my mother’s car. Even though I owned my own car. I had a bachelor’s degree. I was working full-time. Plus I was in graduate school studying for my master’s degree.
Essentially, for years she never showed interest in me because she never took the time to get to know me. She assumed I was just like most of the guys she knew… uneducated and horny. It’s like when she looked at me, my glass was always half empty… it wasn’t half full.
Today I planned to go on a lunch date with a woman I met on a dating app. We’ve been talking and texting everyday for a little over a week. Last week we facetimed and made plans to meet up. However, this morning I received a text which read something like, “No disrespect. I think you’re a nice guy. I just don’t think we’re the right fit.” I simply texted back with, “I totally understand. No need for us to talk any further.”
After sending the message I turned off my phone. Only to roll back over in my bed… alone and confused to why she would tell me this now. It just felt weird. I deal with rejection pretty well. Because I know I’m special, and I would never want any woman who’s interested in me to feel as if she is settling.
However, for some reason this didn’t feel like rejection. Because I know she is attracted to me… and we have yet to even meet. I didn’t ask her for anything. Nevertheless, she just didn’t want to invest (or better yet, sacrifice) the necessary energy into the type of relationship which she initially stated she wanted.
I could be wrong, but I feel like she lied to herself about what she really wants.
The average attractive single professional woman of today is very independent. They make little sacrifices outside of themselves. They love being served by others (ex. when dining out in restaurants and lounges, getting their hair done, going to therapy and traveling). And, it’s difficult for many to see value in a committed relationship… even if they want it.
I know many single professional women who are honorable and worthy of respect. Nevertheless, I still believe the average single professional woman prefers the role of an aunt, rather than a mother; as they love children but fear the responsibility of being a parent. Plus, if she has children she probably doesn’t want any more. I feel the average single professional woman views pregnancy and children as burdensome, and not as a gift or blessing.
Relationships, marriage, pregnancy, parenthood… all these things require courage and require a single woman to leave her comfort zone. I understand the fear. And, it’s nothing wrong with being selfish. I just want more single professional women to be honest about themselves.
I love the song “Prototype” by Kevin Ross. I love the first few lyrics.
I hope that you're the one
If not, then you are the prototype
Yeah, we'll tip-toe to the sun
And do things, I know you like
I think I'm in love again...
The women who I feel are my prototype are oftentimes the stereotypical average single professional. I hate having to guard my heart when I meet someone I’m attracted to. Why is it so hard for single women to be kind, sincere, genuine, and honest? I don’t expect everyone to like me, as I’m not attracted to everyone.
A person’s actions will tell you everything you need to know about them, that’s why it takes time to get to know someone. I just don’t like being played with.