Single women. You’re on my radar today. I find many single women who I date and interact with have unrealistic expectations in general. As oftentimes their choices and actions aren’t in alignment with their goals. Even Denzel Washington said, “Dreams without goals, are just dreams.”
In my opinion, women in general don’t get called out enough for being disingenuous and insincere.
Disingenuous
Not honest in the expression of actual feeling; hypocritical.
I’m far from perfect. This is easy for me to say, as I’ve been judged and scrutinized my whole life. The world has a negative stereotype of black men which I personally recognized once I became mature enough to see how differently life was for people all over. I feel everyone is a victim of prejudice, but we all can agree not all prejudices are made equal.
It’s natural and common for black men to be viewed with disdain. U.S. prisons are filled with black men. Black men are often labeled as aggressive, athletic, dirty, emotionally unstable, entertainers, servants, sexually promiscuous, poor fathers, inadequate leaders, lawbreakers and unintelligent. These prejudgments don’t just come from hate groups, they have also come from my friends, strangers, and even my own family.
I’ll never forget after I moved to Los Angeles in my early thirties (10 years ago). A female friend (who I was attracted to at the time) told me she assumed I didn’t have a job and drove my mother’s car. Even though I owned my own car. I had a bachelor’s degree. I was working full-time. Plus I was in graduate school studying for my master’s degree.
Essentially, for years she never showed interest in me because she never took the time to get to know me. She assumed I was just like most of the guys she knew… uneducated and horny. It’s like when she looked at me, my glass was always half empty… it wasn’t half full.
Today I planned to go on a lunch date with a woman I met on a dating app. We’ve been talking and texting everyday for a little over a week. Last week we facetimed and made plans to meet up. However, this morning I received a text which read something like, “No disrespect. I think you’re a nice guy. I just don’t think we’re the right fit.” I simply texted back with, “I totally understand. No need for us to talk any further.”
After sending the message I turned off my phone. Only to roll back over in my bed… alone and confused to why she would tell me this now. It just felt weird. I deal with rejection pretty well. Because I know I’m special, and I would never want any woman who’s interested in me to feel as if she is settling.
However, for some reason this didn’t feel like rejection. Because I know she is attracted to me… and we have yet to even meet. I didn’t ask her for anything. Nevertheless, she just didn’t want to invest (or better yet, sacrifice) the necessary energy into the type of relationship which she initially stated she wanted.
I could be wrong, but I feel like she lied to me, and she may also be lying to herself about what she really wants.
The average attractive single professional woman of today is very independent. They make little sacrifices outside of themselves. They love being served by others (ex. when dining out in restaurants and lounges, getting their hair done, going to therapy and traveling). And, it’s difficult for many to see value in a committed relationship… even if they want it.
I know some attractive single professional women who are worthy of my respect. Nevertheless, I am discovering these type of women seem to prefer the role of an aunt, rather than a mother; as they love children but fear the accountability and responsibility which comes with being a mother.
The average attractive single professional woman views pregnancy and children as a burden, and not as a blessing. Most likely because many women have trouble agreeing and working with men period; which includes the men they chose to sleep with and who now have the title of “baby-daddy”.
And, most attractive single professional women who already have children usually do not want any more. As their experiences being a parent are lackluster, due to their own poor decisions to have children with men who aren’t good fathers.
Relationships, marriage, pregnancy, parenthood… all these things require courage and require a single woman who is seeking love/companionship/marriage to leave her comfort zone. I understand the fear. And, it’s nothing wrong with being selfish. I just want more women to be honest about what they want and what they are willing to give. As I don’t want to be with or around people who are selfish. People who are selfish take and consume. People who are givers sow seeds into others.
I love the song “Prototype” by Kevin Ross. I love the first few lyrics.
I hope that you're the one If not, then you are the prototype Yeah, we'll tip-toe to the sun And do things, ooohh, I know you like I think I'm in love again...
My prototypical woman, essentially the type of woman I find myself attracted to the most, is generally the average classy fit/slim confident single professional who loves to smile 🙂 .
It amazes how some people find it so easy to criticize others, yet find it so difficult to be honest with themselves? A person’s actions will tell you everything you need to know about them, that’s why it takes time to get to know someone. I just don’t like being played with.
