My Needs Are Changing

Lying in bed this morning… I felt like writing out my thoughts. I’ve always been very sensitive to my feelings. Just in this past week, I have seen how the needs of men, women and young people are changing from what they were just 15-20 years ago. While also recognizing how my needs are changing.

The needs of young people are changing.

Recently I was asked by a mental health professional to donate money to support suicide crisis counseling for teenagers. She was nice. It seemed like a good cause, so I gave her a dollar.

Afterwards, I thought to myself… what is happening in this community to where suicide crisis counselors are needed in schools? As I was unaware teenagers were dealing with thoughts of suicide so much that it has elicited special counseling.

I am definitely not an expert on the current mental health issues of the average teenager. Nor am I aware of the amount of suicides which occur yearly. However, I know mental issues can occur if kids are growing up without a good support system.

Our desire for real love is changing… along with the amount of effort we place into achieving it.

The last few dates I’ve been on, coupled with my recent conversations with women, has really enlightened me on who I’m attracting. The women are generally single professional mothers with busy lifestyles, indifferent attitudes, and recently divorced or separated with emotional issues 🙂 . The thing is… that’s what I am too.

I recently asked a woman what she wanted in a relationship. As she sipped on a glass of wine she said, “I don’t know what I want… but, I know what I don’t want.

I feel a lot of women share her same feelings.

When it comes to relationships, I find single women want the power to chose who they want to love and when they want to give love, yet simultaneously want to be chosen… I feel there is a deeper issue that exists in how we are prioritizing our life. And its because the confusion involved when understanding the difference between our wants & needs.

Let’s be honest. The last few dates I’ve been on have been horrible. However, I do enjoy the conversations. I find myself more so listening than talking, as my dates seemingly enjoy hearing their own voice as they rationalize their own contradictions. I would honestly say my last few dates have given me a better understanding of why so many women value therapy.

How can you want a committed loving relationship, but not make the investments to achieve it? That’s unrealistic.

How can you truly feel you “don’t need” a man, yet expect a man who you “don’t need” to want you? That’s selfish.

If you consistently lie to yourself… subconsciously you will expect others to lie to you as well. Which will ultimately create an emotional disability… and make it difficult to trust.


Life in general is not the same as it was twenty years ago, especially relationships. In my opinion, due to the normalcy of today’s social virtual climate, more people are satisfying their natural desire for healthy loving relationships for unnatural ones… like those who fulfill their sexual desires virtually, plus people are creating unnatural relationship bonds with their friends, children and even pets. We are redefining what’s normal.

I’m changing the type of women I find attractive.

For the past few weeks, I downloaded and deleted the same dating apps again and again. To the point I had profiles on four different dating apps. Hoping to find and build a relationship with a woman who met my preferences 🙂 . Last night I deleted them all.

The more I searched, the more I swiped left and the less faith I had in connecting with anyone on a real level. It was a cyclical process of…

  • I receive a notification (I get a like on my profile).
  • We text back and forth, small-talk.
  • After a few days, either she or I would lose curiosity.
  • After a few days of swiping left, boredom and failed attempts. I delete the app.

Then after a few days… the cycle would start again. Lol.

Last night, I somehow realized that method of dating was never going to work out for me. I’m not saying there aren’t good people on dating apps… it’s just not for me. I tried it. It hasn’t worked. I’ll try something else.

As I was cleaning up a little this morning I had an epiphany on why dating has been so difficult as of late. Especially when I feel I have so much to offer. It may be because my relationship needs have changed. I’m not even attracted to the same women I was just three years ago.

At this point in life, we are all searching for people to fit into our lives. It’s like I’m searching for a bolt to fit on my uniquely sized screw. If you’ve ever worked on cars, houses, tractors, furniture, etc… you know just how hard that can be.

So, now that my needs have changed. What are my needs? Although I have a lot of wants, which are very important as they shape my preferences. I truly only have a few needs. I need someone to love. I need a wife so I can be the best version of myself. And, I need a family. I will never be satisfied or feel successful in life unless I have a family of my own.

I’ve spent the majority of my life as a single man. So, it’s clear I don’t need a wife simply for sex, or as a cook or housemaid. And, I definitely don’t need someone else to argue with. I need a special woman who brings a sparkle to my eye 🙂 , and who gets a sparkle in her eye when she sees me. Now, that’s hard to find.

Who can find a virtuous wife? For her worth is far above rubies.

Proverbs 31:10 NKJV

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