I am beginning to seriously dread any new relationships that I embark upon. It’s like the self-imposed pressure of meeting the “Right One“ can feel overwhelming. I have to release myself from that pressure, so I can open my heart to women who aren’t my “type”, or who I normally wouldn’t be attracted to.
As I embark on this new journey to find love, I try to use wisdom when developing relationships with women who don’t share my same perspective on things.
In today’s society, people are redefining everything to suit their wants/needs. Even love. It’s normal for me to speak with women who define romantic sexual love differently than me. It’s crazy out ch’ere 🙂 .
I used think a person was either heterosexual, homosexual, or a bisexual… now I meet people who are a sapiosexual, pansexual, omnisexual, demisexual, etc (more info). And, I don’t want to know about anything else.
So… how do you view love?
Is love a commodity that can be bought or sold?
Obviously sex sells. Sex is bought and sold everyday. The pornographic industry is one of the top economic industries in the world. Articles state that people visited porn websites more than any other time in history of the internet, during the recent coronavirus pandemic.
What were all of those people seeking? The momentary release of natural sexual urges. Maybe. Were some of them seeking love? Probably. I don’t know. But I do know for sure that watching porn is not real love.
Sex is bought. But can love be bought? Some would say yes. People buy mail-order brides, they go to strip clubs just for attention, and do a lot of things with the mentality, “If I do this… then they should love me”.
I don’t know. Although, I do pay for a subscription to a dating application… with the intention of finding love. There is no right or wrong answer. I don’t judge.
Is love a gift?
If love is a gift, then it is given without the expectation of a payment.
Most of us expect to receive a gift for our birthday or Christmas, by our loved ones. Generally when I receive a gift, it makes me happy because I don’t expect people to do anything for me. When someone gives you something that they don’t have to… it’s special. My perspective of love tends to lean more towards the idea that love is a gift.
Personally, giving love is linked to my desire to feel appreciated. In essence, there is a bi-directional relationship between giving love and feeling appreciated. So, although I give love freely… I will NOT continually give my gift of love unless I feel my gift is appreciated.
Do you know the difference between being Liked and being Loved?
Life experiences has been my education on love. And I’m still learning 😉 . I would also state that knowing the difference and feeling the difference is totally another thing.
We can love people we don’t like, and like people we don’t love.
I believe the easiest way for me to discern the difference is by gauging the amount of sacrifice made or willing to be given in a relationship.
We all like nice things. I would like to have an expensive Lexus or Tesla truck. But, in my honest opinion, I don’t think any day-to-day vehicle is worth over $50,000. I would have trouble sacrificing that much just for a vehicle. Why is that? It’s only because I don’t love cars. But, I have found myself buying things for others, which I wouldn’t buy for myself due to my love for them.
Another thing is… it took me a while to understand that someone could treat me nice, as if I was loved, not because they thought I was special, but simply because they were nice people. While others treated me horribly, yet loved me so much. In some cases only wisdom will allow you to see the difference.
Love is so beautiful and so complicated at the same time. I read the Bible. In it, writers describe 7 specific types of love.
- Eros – “Romantic Love”
- Philia – “Affectionate Love”
- Storge – “Familiar Love”
- Pragma – “Enduring Love”
- Philautia – “Self-Love/Self-Compassion”
- Ludas – “Playful Love”
- Agape – “Unconditional Love”
Love is a genuine feeling. Everyone has experienced the feeling of loving someone who didn’t reciprocate those feelings. It reminds me of a song by Prince – I Can’t Make U Love Me.
In my journey of dating and finding love, whether online or in-person somewhere, I still sometimes question my true feelings on love. I do believe people can find love online and virtually build a loving relationship… but, I don’t want a long-distance relationship.
It also takes more than love for me to maintain a committed relationship with anyone… which is what I want.