Dating. What does it really mean to you? Growing up, a date usually consisted of taking a girl out to a dinner and a movie, or attending some form of social event. Now, in 2020 it can be very normal to date online over a videoconferencing phone app. Some time ago a friend of mine, who is a relationship expert and matchmaker, shared a social media post discussing an interesting topic… the widespread ignorance within our society on truly understanding the difficulties or hindrances which present themselves to single professionals who are looking to date and establish a committed romantic relationship.
One thing she stated in her interview was that online dating has become a new normal for the single professional due to how the covid-19 pandemic has affected society.
As government mandates on social distancing are enforced, bars and other businesses that facilitate good social environments have been closed for months. Plus people have strong fears of contracting this asymptomatic virus because it may either cause a health risk to themselves or their family, or contracting it may even impact their career. These things make people more cautious when socializing, which has in turn essentially placed courting back into dating. So singles are texting and writing each other more.
Who ever thought that going on a date, or going to a party, may possibly be a life or death decision for yourself or someone you love?
I’m still getting used to this new normal in dating single professional women. In the last few months, I have been on BLK app, Tinder, and the Censio Love app. I feel dating apps work better for those who live in or around a large metropolitan city (because you have more options 🙂 ). Right now, I live in a country suburb in Louisiana, so… there aren’t too many women on these dating apps who I’m even compatible with.
So… I recently went on a date with someone I met on a dating app. First of all the date was horrible. Although we were physically attracted to each other, we didn’t connect at all. There was no chemistry. On my way home I thought to myself, “I just wasted 45$ and an hour of my time.” 🙂 . Lol. No, it wasn’t that bad. I did learn a few things. Afterwards on my way home, I thought to myself 3 things that I find to be hindrances when dating. They all start with the letter C.
Control, Communication, and Confusion.
I’m very cautious of women who need to control everything. Everyone has a reason for feeling the way they do. To me, the need to be in control comes from a fear of being controlled or placed in a hopeless position. Those type of women generally carry baggage inside their heart that can be destructive to a relationship. Confident people don’t have to control every situation. A woman who doesn’t need to control everything is more trustworthy and has the ability to trust me.
I can’t be with anyone who is always negative. Communication skills are very important to me when dating, especially in regards to how a woman responds to me. I want to be with a woman who I can dance with, when we communicate. She can smile with her words, she isn’t easily offended, she flirts… I flirt… she speaks… I listen, and vice versa. Having a positive person to talk and share my opinions with is something I don’t take for granted.
A lot of people live their lives everyday in an environment of confusion. I can’t date a woman who is always going through something. Peace of mind isn’t a reflection of what’s going on around you, but what’s going on inside of you. We all go through stuff. I can’t be with a woman who spends too much time talking about other people’s problems. I need to live in an environment of peace to strive.
Dating is hard. I think more and more people are cool with being single, or they’ve been hurt so bad that they really need counseling just so they can open up their heart again. I’m not in that category. This may sound corny… but, I want to feel the romantic energy of dating again. I want to be missed. I want to be loved. I want to ride the love roller coaster and share the intimate details of my heart.
The Bible says in Proverbs that “He who finds a wife finds a good thing, and obtains favor from the Lord.”
November 17, 2020 at 10:12 pm
I just read your blog post and feel like things have not changed. I wrote a post years ago called 33 And Still Single, Now what lol. You was the first to comment on that post and we both shared how we were single but happy. I pray that you are still happy. Singleness is a journey. These days it is even harder to connect. I had many dates where the attraction was there but the connection was not as strong as it was before I went out with that person. Well still wishing you the best on your journey of love.
February 14, 2021 at 10:47 pm
Thank you so much for your well wishes :). My happiness comes and goes. I can’t help but feel like sometimes I’m trying to hard to please women, and they take me for granted. And I completely shut down when someone makes me feel like I’m not special.
Yes it is harder to connect. I got on Eharmony for a while, but it was so expensive and the only compatible women who reached out to me lived in Canada. I honestly need to hang out with more couples just so that I can keep my hope live when it comes to finding a woman worth dating.
February 16, 2021 at 1:22 pm
I have tried eharmony and many other dating sites. Most are not really serious about dating. Girls may take the good guys for granted because she is used to the ones who always hurt her. I also feel like men do not give certain woman a chance because she may not be instagram model type of not into the party scene. They will take the wrong ones out to dinner and when a good one comes, he does not want to date but netflix and chill. Dating for sure is hard and I think one of the keys to dating is making sure we are taking enough time out to get to know someone before going out.
March 12, 2021 at 1:46 pm
You’re absolutely right.
Oftentimes men will treat a physically beautiful woman better than someone who isn’t. However, women do the same when it comes to wealth and beauty. I believe as we mature, we obtain more clarity on what “special” means.
As a young man, any woman with a slim waist, nice smile and a fat booty was special. As a 40 year old man, the only women who are special are the ones who have time to spend with me.