When did you last realize something you believed to be true… was actually false? I admit I’m a little naïve, a dreamer, a man who has lived outside of societal norms for most of my life. I probably have those realizations more than the average person.
Up until this point, I always saw myself married with a family. It’s what I wanted. I thought everyone wanted it. I still remember the day I first heard one of my best friends tell me that he didn’t think he would ever get married… it literally blew my mind for him to say that.
You have to realize, to me marriage and kids was never optional… it was my destiny. Despite poor relationship choices and decision making, the married life was just a season of my life which was always a little bit too far from my reach, so to speak.
Plus, it is a decision between two people. You can’t force someone to love you 😉 .
Recently, my brother and I entered into a deep discussion on marriage in the black community. He opened my eyes to some truths and explained how our economy has a direct affect on marriage. It made me see life a little differently. It may have been common knowledge for most. But, for someone who still believes in true love, to discuss how love and marriage is directly related to generational wealth, socioeconomic statistics in various communities, etc… was eye opening.
One point he made is that wealth in the African-American community has not made any real economic improvements since the 1960s, yet other racial communities have made significant improvements, which in turn has created large economic gaps between average people of different races. So, I did some research and some studying on this topic… and he was right.
So, what does all of that have to do with finding love in the black community? I’m happy I asked 🙂
Obviously finding real love with a woman is complicated in itself. However, there are many factors that discourage marriage and encourage the single life… whether you’re a Christian who values family or a professional who is tired of the single life. Because everyone asks the same questions when getting to know someone… “Where do you live, where are you from?” and “Where do you work?“
Money. Money is the answer to everything. Research has proven that the average person in black community has 7-10 times less wealth than someone in the white community. Yes. 7 to 10 times less.
A few experts have found through research a few important things that help explain why finding love and marriage in the black community is so difficult.
- Certain factors affect marriage structure, such as rising incarceration rates for unskilled black men
- Statistics prove that black women marry later in life, are less likely to marry at all, and have higher rates of marital instability
- Black women are making more money and are finding difficulty meeting black men who are compatible. Which essentially, has given them a reason not to marry
- Race continues to be associated with economic disadvantage, and thus as economic factors have become more relevant to marriage and marital stability, the racial gap in marriage has grown
So, for those who don’t know… a hug gap of disparity exists between the average African-American, in relation to the average white American. On average we have less wealth, less job opportunities, less education, lower rates of homeownership, greater chance to be imprisoned, this can go on and on, etc… this wouldn’t be a big deal if we didn’t live in a society that was built upon the premise of equality for all.
All of these issues simply equate to more problems and greater difficulty when securing the necessary things needed to build a stable family.
Being a recent divorcee, parent, and single professional on the dating scene I’m honestly coming to the realization that I may never have the life and family I once imagined. Maybe I just need to play Luther Vandross – Wait for Love to regain some hope for the chance of love… but, even he died early. Time reveals all truths.
November 6, 2020 at 12:42 pm
The points you make are sad, but true and in the case of Black love, this truth hurts. There are times when I can’t imagine how my relationship status could change from single to married – especially in the times of Covid. Still, for the most part I remain hopeful and more importantly, faithful. God is known for opening doors and creating opportunities you never imagined.
January 4, 2021 at 11:05 pm
Hope is just as infectious as the coronavirus… As your hope gives me hope. Thanks