As covid-19 precautions are slowly decreasing, I believe things will open up a little more, making it a little easier to date and socialize. However, that’s just one small piece of the puzzle as I’m still trying to figure out how to go about dating in 2021 and try to heal this insatiable itch to experience real love and have a family.
So, now I’m kind of in a conundrum… should I invest my time and emotional energy into women I previously dated or are already in my circle? Or should I make more of an effort to reach out to women I’m not connected with, like through dating apps? (**If you make a comment… please share your heart on this.)
Dating is a risky business. I’m now in my early forties. I work constantly. I simply don’t have the energy to consistently be in and out of relationships. Plus the type of women I’m attracted to are usually already in relationships or are emotionally unavailable due to present life circumstances or lifestyle.
Are You Emotionally Unavailable?
I have to say this. Being emotionally unavailable due to the season of life you’re in or whatever… is another way of saying, “I don’t want you.“
This is something I’ll never understand, but I know a lot of women truly believe saying “I don’t want you right now.” is completely different from saying “I don’t want you.“… but to me both statements mean the exact same thing. Whether someone doesn’t want you now or later, doesn’t take away from the fact they don’t want you. I suppose some women feel that rejection with a smiley face is different from saying it bluntly. Anyway. I won’t go down that rabbit hole any further.
The Courage of Embracing Love.
It takes courage to allow someone new in your life. Especially when time and resources are so valuable.
Why is it that so many single professionals are so fearful or nervous when it comes to meeting someone new? It’s because we are tired of dealing with people’s crap. I know I’m tired of dealing with it.
Selfishness, individualism and unforgiveness has become so prevalent to the point it’s very difficult to be real with people… so the real question is how do you make someone lower their facade? The answer is… you can’t.
I feel most people don’t have the courage to do what it takes in order to find love. After watching Tina Turner’s new documentary (which I loved btw, as it allowed me to see the contrasting differences between the icon Tina Turner and the reality of Anna Mae Bullock, which is her real name) … I digress. Tina said it best in her recent documentary, when it showed a clip of a 1985 interview on her life after experiencing much success. Tina spoke as a single mother in her forties after experiencing much heartbreak, yet still desiring to be loved. Tina stated, “I will have love once I’ve earned it.”
Her story about not experiencing genuine love through her early adult life is powerful. Some of what she said still echo in my mind. Nevertheless, her life is proof that people who really want love… I promise, they will sacrifice in order to get it.
I Need A Woman Who Makes Me Feel Special
The truth is… no matter how many folks you match with on dating apps, no matter how many women/men you flirt with, no matter how man people are attracted to you… only a few people will ever be able to treat you and think of you as special.
When you’re young it’s much easier to believe the lie, that you will always have the opportunity to meet someone special. The older I become, the clearer I see how little time I have. And, having options doesn’t mean anything… if none of them are compatible. Just think, how many people have buckets of screws in their garage, but it’s a reason why we always have to go back to Home Depot to find a screw that fits. It’s because there is no one-size-fits-all when it comes to being in love.
Almost every day I see one of my single female friends enjoying life on social media. Posting pictures from a birthday party, traveling to a resort, or just out and about dressed up with their friends. People are actively investing in their happiness despite covid-19. I’m about to be one of them.
It’s time to tear down our facades and be real about our feelings. If we are strong enough to give rejection, we should be strong enough to face rejection. All to say love and dating has always been a risky business. I sometimes wish Wal-Mart sold relationships 🙂 . Just kidding…
Honestly, I’m still learning what makes me happy and how to make myself happy. I want to make the best decisions. So I can live the life I want for myself. Yet, no matter the amount of wealth or other little things I accumulate, at the end of the day if I don’t have someone to share my life with, I’ll never truly enjoy it.
April 17, 2021 at 2:05 pm
Damn. Walmart though? Hahaha. I feel you.
As a professional – I try to avoid the “dusties”. The dustball dudes that SEE a great thing and want to suck my greatness dry ( some have gone back to school, have families, traveled the world, etc. ) and leave me with nada! I’m trying to build an amazing life; with or without a partner. So if dude comes to my life without bringing value — oh hell no. No paper weights needed over here. So I’m gonna keep living, doing me, posting up on IG lol ( and getting cute to go to the grocery store -just in case) lol.
And When you said heal the insatiable itch— I felt that in my soul!
Jason— I know it sucks. It really does. Knowing that you have so much to offer someone.. if they will just…
April 17, 2021 at 7:29 pm
The “dusties”… I haven’t heard that one before 🙂
Thanks for feeling me. I too am focusing on me… even though I wish I had someone to buy strawberries for 🙂 .
One of my female friends said this about Louisisana, and I’ll never forget it. She said, “Dating over 30 in Louisiana is like trying to find a good parking space at the mall. All the good ones are taken and the rest are handicapped.” 🙂
So do you have guys approach you when you are cute at the grocery store?
April 17, 2021 at 9:38 pm
Strawberries… that’s sweet 🙂
Lol @your friend. Yeah pretty much. That’s a great analogy 🤦🏾♀️ it hold truth up north too lol
Nah – 😅I get more play in sports bars and wearing masks .. does not help! It’s been mostly online dating. Not all horrible experiences but definitely some dusties.
Why: no sex please, we are British?
April 17, 2021 at 2:56 pm
It’s really lovely to read this from a man’s perspective. All your sentiment is what I feel from a woman’s perspective.
I know I’m attractive, well-groomed, slim, and I look much younger than my age. I’ve been on dating apps, yet I rarely get any guys ‘pick’ me and ‘match.’ The pandemic apparently had guys knowing they wanted a real, genuine, emotionally bonded relationship, and they had time to seek that on-line. So many relationships broke during the pandemic, because they realised they were together for the wrong reasons, and weren’t in love, and perhaps maybe had never been. I never connected with anyone on-line during the ‘lock-down’ of the pandemic either.
I knew prior to pandemic it’s so very rare to find someone you know you’ve connected with, and have something really special with. I had that only once: he knew it, I knew it, but he threw us away, seeking his ‘secret’ from me polyamory life instead. A guy the same age as you: too busy working in his self-employment to invest time in a real relationship. I knew what we’d unexpectedly found with each other was so very rare and special, but he clearly didn’t understand we had found the ‘needle in the haystack’ with each other. I guess he thought he’d be able to replicate it with just any woman.
For you personally, if you go back with someone you’d dated before: you finished prior for a reason. If you dated again, it probably wouldn’t last, unless you split because it wasn’t a mutual give and share of keeping your relationship going? If it can be a two-way street and not one-way, you may succeed. As to women in your circle: same thing. If there was someone special, you’d have connected and started dating before wouldn’t you? Unless both she and you were keeping your feelings for each other hidden? If so, perhaps now’s the time to speak from your Heart, and risk rejection. If the pandemic taught us all anything, it’s don’t hold back. If you ‘feel’ something for someone, tell them. None of us know how long we’ve got.
I’m probably 10 years older than you. I’ve been single since 2008, which was out of choice. Then back in 2018 I knew it was time I got out and started dating. I enjoy my own company but I know I seek a good, loving man to share the rest of my life with. I’m emotionally available, able to treat him with respect, loyalty, able to communicate and compromise, willing to put in the effort, be dedicated to make it work. I’m seeking him, but he’s not seeking me, or not ready to yet.
Good luck Jason. May you find your Queen soon, who treats you like her King.
April 17, 2021 at 7:49 pm
Thank you for being transparent with me. I receive your advice on relationship choices, as I felt your wisdom when I read the words.
I honestly am having a hard time finding compatible women to date. When I think about it, I’ve only been on a few dates in the past 3 years… and they are were with women I met on dating apps. And, I would consider myself to be a very social person. I don’t know what type of men you’re interested in… but I would like to know what do you feel a man (you’re interested in) wants from you?
Why: no sex please, we are British?
May 1, 2021 at 5:28 am
PS: There’s a lot of very ‘angry’ hurt little children out there in the world, AKA the inner child of the adults that are walking around. Until they heal – and it’s not our job to fix them, be they acquaintances, friends or romantic interests – there’s going to be a lot of single, unhappy, lonely people in this world. (I’ve come across so many angry women, I don’t want to be around them, let alone if I was a guy, I’d not want to date them ha!)
You and I have got out the other side Jason, we know who we are and we take responsibility for who we are inside. After all, happiness is an inside job so they say.
Some people that have had it hard, seem to believe they are the only ones, and that everyone and the world ‘owes’ them because of it. They fail to realise if they walk around in their misery, and seem to be ‘happy’ in their gloom because it feels ‘safe’ to them, they’ll never get through it, and will just perpetuate their unhappiness and anger.
The way people lash out at others due to their pain, it just festers and spreads, infecting every one around. It makes the world smaller.
We’d best get used to being single I guess?! I’ve been single since 2008, so what’s another few years? I would have liked to have found someone special, yes, and ended up in a loving relationship for the rest of my life. Like you, I feel I’ll only be truly happy if I have someone special to share my life with.
I’ve got to be realistic I guess. Meeting a guy matching my vibration is not going to be easy, make that nigh on impossible.
Welcome to the modern world, where singledom is the only way to ensure happiness…..!
Why: no sex please, we are British?
May 1, 2021 at 5:52 am
Oh, it didn’t save and post my original comment, sorry Jason!
I’d apologised for the delay, as I don’t always get notifications.
I’m afraid I can’t answer your ponderings of what I feel men I’m interested in want from me. The last few years I’ve not had any ‘matches’ let alone dates, so I’ve not managed to find out!
All I can assume: the majority of men only want ‘fun,’ hook-ups and ONS. They don’t seem to want to date, nor have the responsibility of a relationship.
Example: back in 2017, on one on-line dating site I had 70 ‘matches’ all at one time. They quickly dropped off, as I expressed my dating intentions and what I sought.
The last few years, I’ve done much emotional ‘healing’ upon myself. Now when I go on dating sites, I don’t attract any ‘matches.’
I do find that somewhat ‘depressing’ that I’m at a different frequency now, so am not attracting any guys to me.
It seems the majority of guys only seek fun and ‘casual,’ to have the chance to ‘try all the sweets in the sweetie shop.’ We all know where that leads though: being sick!
You and I both know who we are, and we know what we want. No many humans have that self-assurance and true inner confidence.
I know I’m not perfect, no-one is. I understand we are all ‘broken’ and have our flaws, it’s just finding someone who is adult enough to be by our side, who appreciates the same. Who wants the same.
Our world of consumerism, the internet and on-line shopping that is that in its worst form, unfortunately seems to have immature guys seeking ‘perfection’ in a woman. A kind of ‘Stepford Wife’ – that they look at images of on-line. The perfect woman to them visually, that has no depth nor personality, just like the image they have fantasies about. If whom they hook-up with then shows they have a personality, it’s all too easy to throw them away and find a new one NOW.
Most guys only want empty, shallow women, because that’s all they are, too. If you challenge them and show you have a brain, intellect and depth, they run. It could be a generational thing perhaps? Who knows. All I do know, the internet and the modern world has resulted in people becoming less ‘human’ and that makes me sad.
What do you feel women want from you Jason?
May 10, 2021 at 1:03 am
You know, there is a movie called “What Women Want”… I feel women want a lot of things. When most women meet me, I feel either they want someone to sleep with or they need someone to take care of them. So a lover or a sugar daddy.
And, I do feel every man is attracted to pretty women. And some mennjust want sex. But I assume you wouldn’t want a man who just wanted you for your body, or sex, anyway… so you wouldn’t want them.
Not every man “just” wants sex, or some bikini model. First you have to identify the type of men who wants and values you, then make yourself available.
Don’t be afraid of change.
July 13, 2021 at 5:45 am
As technology has increased, in more ways have humans regressed. Love nowadays is not truly love. Its better to channel the negative energy from the negative emotions; and use as like paint to paint a positive action, than to let the negative emotions grow in the garden of your mind which in turn might make your actions spew out negative energy into the world.