Earlier this evening I felt the need to express something from my heart on social media (I don’t even remember what it was), but as I was in the process of typing on my smartphone suddenly a thought flashed into my mind. Internally in my mind, I heard the words Vito Corleone told Santino in The Godfather I, and what Michael Corleone told his nephew in The Godfather III, “… never let anyone outside the family know what you’re thinking.“
I paused.
It may seem funny to some that I somehow associated a scene on a film to a real life moment. Nevertheless, it was a serious thought. Now, I’m probably one of the most transparent people I know. Not that I look to make conversation or share my opinions through social media. I disdain meaningless conversation. I’m just honest and sometimes blunt when expressing my feelings.
After taking a minute, I asked myself a few questions… “Why do I feel the need to share this publicly? Am I just longing for communication? Do I feel these thoughts/feelings are beneficial to anyone? Or, am I just posting for the hell of it?“
Then I realized (after answering those questions), that social media was playing tricks on my mind. It’s weird. Sometimes I find myself managing my social media as if I’m getting paid for it, or that it’s giving me something of substance. When it’s not. I realized that I truly wasn’t longing to share my feelings publicly… it was I just wanted someone to share my heart with. And, social media was taking the place of a real friend.
Those who I respect enough to listen to their opinion, or who would care to listen to my heart are very few. Plus I have their phone number, so if I really wanted to share my heart… I would just call them.
Social media can be a placebo for real relationships.
Everyone wants something real. It pains me to think how much time I have spent scrolling through Facebook or Instagram. Whether I’m checking notifications or randomly passing time scrolling through images or reading posts. Especially since the pandemic, I’ve been starving for intimacy or just a real relationship, and I was using social media to satisfy that hunger.
The reason why I’m beginning to hate social media is that it appears to be something it isn’t. This is the whole reason for those who have a smartphone addiction. If you don’t know about it, read up on it. Don’t get me wrong… social media is great for promoting and networking! It’s great to have a virtual platform to share thoughts and experiences with friends & family.
Ok. Here is what it isn’t. Social media isn’t a place of safety, nor is it a platform of truth. Those two things are of the utmost importance in establishing any real relationship. Plus it has become more of a marketplace, rather than a networking platform. All to say, social media isn’t something I will be investing too much of my time into in 2021.
I may need to get back to the times where I was using my library card 🙂 … and renting out books. As it may be a while before I find someone to share my heart with.