It’s New Year’s eve and I’m at home. I will assume most people are also spending tonight at home, as I read that state and federal government officials, including the CDC, have publicly advised people to stay at home and avoid large crowds due to accelerating the spread of the coronavirus. Tonight will be the end of 2020. I for one am looking forward to 2021. As I look back on this year I can’t help but acknowledge that this has been one of the toughest years of my life… despite the coronavirus.
Tough times never last, but tough people do.Robert H. Schuller
When the going gets tough, the tough get going.Joseph Kennedy
Tough times always teach me lessons. One of the main lessons 2020 has taught me is stop devaluing myself.
For as long as I can remember, I have always struggled with confidence issues and low self-esteem. For some reason I have always been better at serving others, than serving myself. Though this has affected me in various areas of life, I believe my lack of self-confidence has definitely helped to cause me to make poor decisions in dating.
Recently an old girlfriend reached out to me. Initially, when she texted me, I didn’t know why she was reaching out. I assumed she just wanted to talk and she felt safe venting out to me. But, she continued to reach out for a few weeks, and our conversations became more intimate. So, I had to ask myself, “Do I really want to open my heart to her and pursue a real relationship with her?“
The answer was no. She’s not someone I want to bring into my future. So, I told her I wasn’t interested in dating her. But, what shocked me was how she responded. She told me that she knew that she wasn’t marriage material… but she was OK with being a girlfriend, as she wanted my attention and affection.
Her answer literally shook my spirit. In that moment I felt so sad for her… I wished I could’ve just held her and tell her that she was marriage material (almost like a father would tell their daughter). But, she’s not my daughter. She’s an adult with her own issues. Nor does she care about my opinion of her… all she wanted was my attention and affection. Which made me also realize who I was to her… in her eyes I was basically a “consensual whore“.
At that point I truly had to remind myself of how valuable I am. How valuable my time is. Our decisions in life will determine the value we place on ourselves. In 2021, I will not continue to invest my time or emotional energy in relationships that serve no purpose, or around people who aren’t positively investing in me. That may mean that I have to cut people off. But, I’m cool with that. As I have to move forward in this upcoming year… and I definitely will aim higher in my dating choices.
If we truly value ourselves, then we will invest in ourselves. Although I don’t really have any new year’s resolutions, as I have always desired to live a life of excellence. In 2021, I will make the choice(s) to love myself more, to find what makes me happy and invest in my happiness, to place more energy in living a healthier lifestyle, and love others.
As 2020 comes to an end… Happy New Year 2021 🙂