To My Future Wife

I know the holidays make us all emotional. Christmas and Thanksgiving always bring me back to what’s most important… family and love. Now, a few weeks into 2020, I’ve begun to notice a lot of females on social media making posts that generally just affirm what type of woman they are or what type of man they want. Which can be the norm. But, I stumbled across a post on a Facebook blog and it really struck me for some reason. I posted an image of it below. After reading it, it encouraged me to write a letter to my future wife.

Though an unknown woman wrote this post, for some reason I believe her feelings echo in the hearts of most single professional women who are looking for a husband. As most women in their 30s-40s already know what type of man they want, they “may” know they type of men they attract, and they definitely know IF they are ready to take on the responsibilities of a relationship.

I do know one thing. Every woman fears the thought of “settling”. I believe that fear has caused a lot of women to close their hearts to affection and cringe when they feel real love. I suppose it can be frightening. But, what does “settling” truly mean really? Not all women define it the same; as women who have kids or who have been divorced generally see it differently than women without kids. Which is why I don’t pursue women who are always single. They scare me a little. As I wasn’t built to be with a woman who is consistently hard to please.

Nevertheless, I want to breakdown some of the post so to better understand the thoughts which lie in the mind of a single professional black woman who is looking for a husband… which is essentially the type of woman I’m interested in 🙂 .

“Dear Husband, I truly do not believe that you even exist…” – This lets me know that her idea of marriage is different from what she has seen or now sees. So, she’s probably been through some drama and she needs someone who (in a sense) can rescue her from her current state (financially, emotionally, etc.).

“I need you to know what it feels like to need me.” – Man… this is such a powerful statement! I have never said this to anyone. On a surface level it lets me know that she wants her husband to not only want her, but to need her. One thing I know about needs… they are very hard to let go. This tells me that she is looking for someone to commit to her before she commits to him.

“If I place my hands in yours, I need your palms to overlap mine in a way others only see the blended fingerprints we create.” – What a poetic statement. Those words elude to her fear of settling, but also her desire for family and partnership. I believe most single professional women want a family. They aren’t truly satisfied with partying with their girlfriends and colleagues. She wants intimacy.

Eventually, we all come to a point where the need for intimacy overwhelms our fears of rejection.

Reading her Facebook post has sparked me to write a letter to my future wife. It’s time to have an honest conversation about it, even if it’s with myself 🙂 .


To My Dearest Love,
Finding my way to you has not been an easy path. Yet, it is the path I have chosen due to circumstances and reasons which are beyond my understanding. I’m not the man you see on social media posts, I’m not the man you see at church, nor can I be seen through your eyes. To see me is to know me.
Know that I have sown seeds in gardens which have yielded no fruit. So, now I only work gardens that have good soil and eat from trees that are willing to be pruned. Also know that my attraction to you is why I spoke to you, not why I love you. You will be a precious gift that will broaden my purpose in life. This will be a long journey for both of us. And, although I am ready for a life filled with adventure, I am also ready to take on the challenge.

Sincerely,
JP

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