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To My Future Wife

The holidays make us all emotional. Christmas and Thanksgiving will always help me recognize what’s most important to me… family and love.

It is now a few weeks into 2020; I’ve begun to notice a lot of females on social media posting unfiltered heartfelt opinions… mind you, this isn’t always the norm. So, I stumbled across a Facebook post (seen below) and it really struck me for some reason. After reading it, I was encouraged me to write a letter to my future wife.

Though an unknown woman wrote this post, for some reason I believe her feelings echo in the hearts of most single professional women who are looking for a husband. I find most women, around my age, already know what they don’t want, they may know they type of men they attract, and they definitely know who they are.

I do know one thing. Every woman fears the thought of “settling”. Fear causes us to close our hearts to affection. It makes us cringe when we feel real love… as we fear reliving the hurts felt in past experiences.

I suppose anything new can be frightening at first. But, what is “settling” really? Not everyone defines it the same. I define it as simply making my best decision from the options available to me.

Nevertheless, let me breakdown some of her post so I can better understand the thoughts which lie in the mind of a single professional black woman who is looking for a husband… which is essentially the type of woman I’m interested in ๐Ÿ™‚ .


“Dear Husband, I truly do not believe that you even exist…” – This lets me know that she is realistic, and has rationalized in her heart of the possibility of never marrying. I feel she wants more from a man than for them to simply bear the title of “husband”. Her social circle is probably small, so she probably doesn’t have many men (that she’s interested in) pursuing her.

“I need you to know what it feels like to need me.” – Man… this is such a powerful statement! I have never said this to anyone. On a surface level it lets me know that she wants her husband to not only want her, but to need her. One thing I know about needs… they are very hard to let go. This tells me that she is looking for someone to commit to her before she commits to him.

“If I place my hands in yours, I need your palms to overlap mine in a way others only see the blended fingerprints we create.” – What a poetic statement. Those words elude to her fear of the possibility of not being in love with her future husband. I believe most single professional women want a family. Even though most women love to go out drinking and traveling with their girlfriends, they still are not truly satisfied with that. She desires intimacy.

Eventually, we all come to a point where the need for intimacy overwhelms our fears of rejection.

Reading her Facebook post has sparked me to write a letter to my future wife. It’s time to have an honest conversation about it, even if it’s with myself ๐Ÿ™‚ .


To My Dearest Love,
Finding my way to you has not been an easy path. Yet, it is the path I have chosen due to circumstances and reasons which are beyond my understanding. I’m not the man you see on social media posts, I’m not the man you see at church, nor can I be seen only through your eyes. To accurately see me, you will need to walk with me and feel me.

I have sown seeds in gardens which have yielded no fruit. So, now I only work gardens with good soil and eat from trees that are willing to be pruned. Also know my attraction to you physically is why I spoke to you, it will not be why I love you.

You will be a precious gift that will broaden my purpose in life. This will be a long journey for both of us. And, although I am ready for a life filled with adventure, I am also ready to take on the challenge of learning you.
Sincerely,
JP

svg5 min read

Jason Perry

I'm a black man with Christian values. A father to my son, a friend to those who desire my friendship, a lover of life and even more...

9 Comments

  • Passport Overused

    January 19, 2020 at 8:51 am

    Great post๐Ÿ˜€

    Reply
  • cafeavectwali

    February 2, 2020 at 8:58 am

    Jason, this is really something! I’ve read several letters from women manifesting their perfect mate but never one from a man. I know one day you’ll share this with your future belle ๐Ÿ™‚

    Reply
    • Jason

      February 10, 2020 at 10:38 pm

      Thank you so much!
      Hopefully, she’ll want to read it.

      Reply
  • fyidivorce

    April 18, 2020 at 1:36 am

    “Which is why I donโ€™t pursue women who are always single.” Can you explain this a little more?

    Reply
    • Jason

      June 5, 2020 at 1:01 pm

      Yes, thanks for commenting!
      Just to expound on that a little. Written in that context, I was more so referring to the thought that “usually”, most adults don’t change.
      Though there are always exceptions to every rule of thought… in many cases, men and women who haven’t made sacrifices to engage in relationships throughout their life… will find it difficult to do so.
      In my mind, when I see a attractive intelligent woman, who has options, I ask myself why is she always single? And, in most cases I find that they are waiting for a Prince Charming, and will never value or appreciate the love I have to give.

      Reply
      • fyidivorce

        June 6, 2020 at 7:44 am

        I think I have to agree with you on this, “most adults don’t change.” I also agree that it is daunting to think of someone who is perpetually single as marriage material; however, I hope that does not mean you pursue those who are already committed in marriage or instigating an affair to find “your true love.”

      • Jason

        June 6, 2020 at 8:59 am

        Lol! No… definitely not. I never would want someone else’s love. I’m not that guy. Women who are married or in a relationship, in itself doesn’t equate to my attraction.
        Right now in life, my dating options are few, as many single women are like me…. we live life in a bubble, and the energy it requires to date people outside our life bubble is oftentimes too great to expend on a real level.

      • Xwr

        October 8, 2020 at 5:51 pm

        So are you looking for a future wife among already married women?

  • fyidivorce

    June 6, 2020 at 9:14 am

    Really the only necessary energy for a relationship to thrive is connection, conflict resolution and spiritual depth. I am not a fan of dating in my 30s. Dating takes too much time and doesn’t really reveal the true person anyway.

    Reply

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This is my journal, my journey, and my perspective in life – JP
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