Why are you single?

To all the single professionals out there… let me ask you a few questions. It seems like most of the single people who I know that want to be in a relationship are having the same issues. Women are saying, “I can’t find a good man who can love me for me. I want a man who doesn’t just want to have sex with me!” And, men are saying, “Where are the good women? I want a women who can accept me for me… and doesn’t want to change me to become somebody I’m not.”

This past weekend I went to New Orleans to check out the Essence Festival, and I saw what seemed to be a lot of single women and men out and about. I even saw a picture of a friend on social media at the Essence Festival… she wrote as a hashtag on post  #Singleandreadytomingle :). So I know there were a lot of single professionals out there who want a relationship status change, or who at least want some love.

But, in most after parties that I saw and went to, I saw that most women came in with a group of women. They danced together and usually sat by themselves. Men also came in groups of guys, and generally never left their group and sat across the women on the other side of the lounge or bar. I saw that couples came in together and left together.

It’s like this should be a time where people meetup, and a place that facilitates interaction, yet most people would rather be to themselves… or maybe they all expected someone to just walk up and talk to them.

Though I didn’t follow everyone to their homes or hotel rooms, I can probably estimate that 90% of the single people who were out last night, didn’t make any real connections with anyone. Which leads to my first question… Why is it so hard to introduce yourself and tell someone you’re attracted to them? I know people can get a little anxiety or shy when talking to someone they find attractive, and no one wants to get rejected, but if you don’t put your heart out there how will you ever expect to meet anyone?

The second question I have is… Do you really know what you want out of a relationship, and do you feel what you want is realistic? Obviously, I know we should all be confident in ourselves, but it would be crazy for me to believe that I could win over Tyra Banks. That’s so unrealistic. Honestly, I feel that the type of woman I’m attracted to doesn’t live in Louisiana. Even though I’m open-minded, I understand that I may have to move in order to find love.

Lastly… What are you willing to sacrifice for love? Let’s say you meet the perfect guy/gal. If they lived in another state, would you be willing to try a long-distance relationship? Would you be willing to smile more? Would you be willing to live a healthier lifestyle or workout more? Or, let’s say you are very compatible with someone who doesn’t have their life all together. Would you be willing to respect someone who you normally wouldn’t respect, in order to make the relationship work? I know that no one wants to sacrifice anything. But, that is essentially what a relationship is.

Sacrifice, love, honor, respect… this is what a true relationship is all about.

I feel that there are a lot of single professionals out there who don’t want a real relationship. Women don’t want to have a family. Men don’t want to provide and be responsible. I feel a lot of single professionals just want someone to fulfill their sexual needs, be a friend when they’re lonely, and kiss and hold hands with in public. Well, I don’t know about you, but I want more than that.

svg5 min read

Jason Perry

I'm a black man with Christian values. A father to my son, a friend to those who desire my friendship, a lover of life and even more...



    July 7, 2017 at 3:17 am

    Very good write-up. I definitely appreciate this website.
    Keep it up!

  • Maya Moore

    July 10, 2017 at 12:17 am

    Hand clap to all of this!!!

  • neonnairobigal

    July 11, 2017 at 6:06 am

    They say its darkest just before the dawn. God will bring you the perfect one, you will not have to compromise one bit. Hold on…..

  • nella482

    July 14, 2017 at 4:50 am

    Ok, I’ve read several of your postings and have finally decided to comment. It seems to me that you are actually shooting women down before ever actually giving them a moment of yourself. You talk about your standards and not wanting to settle for less than your worth. BUT are you making the efforts to show your potential to your possible future wife? Or are you deciding that you don’t think she’s “enough” before actually giving her a chance? Come from a place of “Yes” when you are dating. Maybe she has an unsavory past, a child, a bad haircut, some extra lbs, an ex…..SO WHAT!?!?! The woman standing in front of you with one or all of these aforementioned “flaws” could be the greatest love of your life. Ijs…you NEVER know.

    I read your post about a quote that said that people who have been single for a long time are the hardest to date because it takes something extraordinary to make them want to be in a relationship…..that sir, is a HUGE load of crap!! It takes effort to show that person your potential to add VALUE to their life. It’s not hard or extraordinary at all. Show up and be present in all things. That’s it….
    I saw a quote recently that resonated “Single people are single because they CHOOSE to be.” And I didn’t thank that to mean that they WANTED to be, only that someone hadn’t made the effort to make them choose to be any other way.

    Sorry about the super long comment…and…idk what your taste in music is but i think you should take a listen or look up the lyrics to “Somebody” by Reba.
    Good Luck

    • jason

      October 12, 2017 at 8:18 pm

      Just reading your comment… I appreciate you taking the time to share your heart. You know I’ve been in a lot of relationships… some good some bad. And, I don’t share everything about my life online, but I’ve dated all types of women. And things happen… career changes, incompatibility, maturity, fall out of love, etc.
      You know my dating woes have a lot to do with my lifestyle and my unwillingness to settle for less than I want. I truly believe I can have everything I want out of life… including a woman who is attractive, loves God and people, trusting, honest, intelligent, clean, open-minded and kindhearted. And, if it turns out that she doesn’t exist and I’m living in a dream, then I’ll continue dreaming 🙂 .

  • markednmoxey

    September 8, 2017 at 10:02 pm

    Interesting. I met a guy recently that has some baggage ( older, kids, divorced) and as time has gone on — he fits the perfect description of your last few lines of this post. I want more.. I don’t have it all together and it’s not easy being single, dating, exclusive or I a relationship ( from what I remember).. but I truly believe this can’t be life. I also went to Nola, right after Essence Festival, alone and well.. I got a “hello and can we exchange numbers ” from a random local dude on the street — not my type. I frequently go out alone, travel alone — speak to strangers lol and why am I single? Lol IDK!!

    • jason

      September 10, 2017 at 5:49 pm

      I know “lol” stands for ‘laugh out loud’, but being single and alone when you want someone to love is no laughing matter.
      Though I’m in a serious relationship right now… (and its not easy) I know how it feels to feel to go and do everything alone. And its even worse when all your friends are married.
      If you want a change… the only wisdom I can give is to be open to change. Go to coffee shops, go to different churches, try EHarmony, go to a singles conference… there are still some good men out there who are looking for a a good woman. Happy hunting ☺


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This is my journal, my journey, and my perspective in life – JP

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