Relationships Over the Holidays

It’s only a few more days until the start of 2016. And, that means young adults in every city are preparing to attend a New Year’s Eve party. It’s one of the few times every year where I would love to be in a relationship. I don’t have any plans right now, but I wish I could be with someone special counting down the minutes until we kiss at midnight, bringing our love into the new year.
The holidays are the time to spend with those you love. Right now I’m in my mid 30’s. And, I’m at a point in my life where many of my friends are either married, married with children, divorced with children, or in a serious relationship. As a single man, one thing I have noticed is there are a lot of attractive women who aren’t happy in their relationships … and many of them don’t know what to do about it.
It’s a fact, people change over time. And many times people in relationships don’t change/mature/grow at the same pace due to communication issues or maybe they choose to coexist without addressing certain things. In my life as a child, I remember my mother growing apart from my father as he ignored the fact that she changed as she grew more spiritually; that was a huge factor in causing them to divorce.
In today’s world, I have seen both men and women place a higher value and put more effort into their individual success or their desire to live a certain type of lifestyle, than their relationships. Nevertheless, I feel the need to address this and write 2 letters to two groups of people who are in need of wisdom in how they manage their relationships: (1) one to men who don’t value what they have or don’t appreciate the women in their life, and (2) to women who are looking to be with a successful man.
(1) Dear Men,
What is the most important thing to you in life? You answer that by deciding how/where you spend your time and place your attention. Do you believe in the Bible? As the spiritual leader of your house, do you feel that you love your wife/girlfriend the way Christ loved the church?
No one can tell another man how to live his life or lead his family, but a man who doesn’t build up, encourage, appreciate and consider the needs and feelings of his wife/girlfriend is unknowingly creating problems and an atmosphere where disagreements can easily occur. And these problems can lead to love being lost, commitments being broken and can ultimately lead to divorce.
Just as one cancerous cell that isn’t properly dealt with can spread death into your whole body, don’t ignore small problems in your relationships because if ignored they can develop into something larger and ultimately end your marriage or dating relationship. Search your heart and find value in your relationships. Your wife/girlfriend should be one of the most important people in your life, treat them like they are and they will treat you like a king.
(2) Dear Women,
What do you want out of life? Are you Mrs. Independent, or are you waiting for Mr. Right? Most women who want to be in a relationship want to be with a successful attractive man. But, who do successful attractive men want to be with? That’s the question.
Most women think that men only want to be with sexually attractive women, or women without career goals because they think men only want sex and a housemaid. Though that may in fact be the case for some men, that is so far from the truth for the average successful man. Here are the top five things successful men look for in women:
Healthy hair: a woman with healthy hair symbolizes femininity and that she values her body and appearance.
Self-confidence: women with a strong self-confidence better understands their strengths and weaknesses, abilities and limitations. And, successful men are attracted to women who are honest with themselves and with others.
Her Walk: the way a woman walks says so much about herself. A successful man wants to be with a woman who is graceful, exudes elegance, and class.
Her Posture: a person who slouches when they stand or sit, shows they have poor manners or weren’t raised by good parents.
Conversation skills: successful men want a woman who can engage in intelligent conversations with their family and friends.
I’m sure that there are no perfect men, just as there aren’t any perfect women. However, if you’re a woman looking for a man, be clear on what type of man you want… and it’s wise to also understand what type of man is looking for you.
If you are single or if you are looking for someone to kiss on New Year’s eve … I hope you find someone special and Good Luck!

svg6 min read

Jason Perry

I'm a black man with Christian values. A father to my son, a friend to those who desire my friendship, a lover of life and even more...


  • Ahensimmons

    December 27, 2015 at 9:18 pm

    Greetings Jason! Interesting post! As I read your post, I thought about how subjective is what one deems “successful” or “attractive”. To me, a guy is considered to be successful if he has a job! If he can pay his bills on time, if he loves what he does, has great relationships, and is happy with himself and the progress he has made in his life. And a guy is considered to be attractive to me if he is smart, can hold a conversation, is respectful, loving, God-fearing and one who honors his mind, body and spirit. I agree with you that it can indeed be a challenge to find the right one when we live in such a superficial society where the media broadcasts to us who we are supposed to be happy with. Sigh. Thanks for sharing! Happy New Year!

    • jason

      December 27, 2015 at 9:27 pm

      Thank you for reading and sharing some thoughts! I agree “successful” and “attractive” are defined in the eyes of the beholder.

  • futurewifeblog

    December 27, 2015 at 10:46 pm

    I found your article interesting to say the least. I have to be honest and say that men these days are looking for women who are career driven. Some either can barely take care of themselves and need a second income or some don’t want to take care of the women and household. So I think men wanting women to stay home is in the past. There are barely any old school men like that around.

    Second the list of what men find attractive is fine but as a woman I have to agree with Ahensimmons with her qualifications. Believe it or not Women are more flexible with the looks requirement. We do want the man that is tall, dark and handsome who can pay the bills and take care of his woman. But we can look past looks if he is a good guy and want a future with the lady they are with.

    • jason

      December 27, 2015 at 11:02 pm

      I feel you… I think most people who seek meaningful relationships aren’t vain. Thanks for reading and sharing your thoughts!

  • futurewifeblog

    December 27, 2015 at 10:57 pm

    What I mean to say is that Men are more superficial and Women are more emotional. So what a defines a attractive is not what women define attractive. That is why most of these successful men are not faithful or can’t stay with the same women. The moment looks start to fade then they are off the next women with healthy hair and good posture. I think it is time successful men start looking at the mental and don’t base what is attractive based on physical. You can miss out on a good strong woman because her looks is not defined as successful. But to each his own.
    Your article did have me thinking about what kind of man I wanted and I want a man that first love God, loyal, honest, love family and children. To be responsible and to put God an family first. Looks wise I can’t say how I want him to look. Of course he has to be handsome and smell good and have good hygiene but You never know who God will place in your life, so I don’t focus on the looks but character and good hygiene lol.
    But I liked you article and pray that you find the love that is beyond just the physical but she has the heart of God and will be there for the long run. God bless
    p.s sorry for the long comment lol. Writers tend to write all their thoughts lol

    • jason

      December 27, 2015 at 11:18 pm

      No worries… I appreciate the long comment ☺.
      I feel most successful people, men and women, have more options and are more impatient with relationships, which gives them more opportunities to meet people they’re attracted to and helps to make them less loyal. Then not everyone values being in a committed monogamous relationship.
      And marriages are tough, not everyone is built to last ☺. That’s why I’ll pay for quality.

      • futurewifeblog

        December 27, 2015 at 11:20 pm

        Quality over Quantity any day. Something that is built to last for the long run. Amen to that!

  • Nzingajulson7

    January 29, 2016 at 2:15 pm

    Great post!
    I know who I’m waiting on. I’m not looking for him though. He has to find me by God guiding him when ready. I’m confident and still learning what God needs me to learn. Obedience is so worth it and I love following the Lord. I only want to kiss my husband, when he finds me. And not just on holidays but always. Great post. I love reading and I was engaged in this wisdom shared. Thank you and God bless you! 😊

  • godcrazzzy

    February 27, 2016 at 10:31 am



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This is my journal, my journey, and my perspective in life – JP

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