Understanding –> Compassion –> Getting It

Most people think they know a lot. But, knowing something and understanding it is two different things. What do you really understand? How many people understand how a microwave works, or how an engine works? What about people and intimate relationships … who has the answers to really understand why half of all marriages end in divorce, or the reasons why it takes some people years to finally know what they want out of a relationship, or why a wife would cheat on their seemingly loving husband, or why a pastor who preaches against divorce would still get divorced? Pride can tell you that you have a high level of understanding about everything, the in’s and out’s about life, the reasons why things happen, etc. Humility tells you that though you may know a lot, no one can possibly know everything about everything… especially when it comes to meeting the right person or being in a relationship.

Last night I was speaking to a friend, she asked me what did I expect from her moving forward in our friendship communication-wise, and I told her that I wanted to be in her life and all I wanted was an organic relationship… which is basically what she willing to offer to me (paraphrasing); she then replied and said something very interesting. I don’t remember exactly how she said it, but she basically said that I couldn’t just want what she was willing to give if I really cared for her, because I would always want more than what she gave… Anyway, I don’t know. Nevertheless, as I think about it more I realize that I’m still learning about relationships and I don’t know what it really feels like to have high expectations of someone, in an intimate relationship.

While speaking to her, we also discussed her levels of personal intimacy, which I feel may be similar to how other women view intimacy within their relationships. This is the first and most important level, I believe that it’s very important for her to feel that someone understands her. [Understanding – meaning that they recognize her personality and beliefs, and know the reasons why she is the person who she is.] Her second level of intimacy is deeper than someone simply understanding her as a person, it’s when someone shows her compassion. [Compassion – when someone acts outside of their rational mind, based on the emotions, from the love from their heart.] The final level of intimacy is when there is such a strong connection between both people, that they just get each other. [Getting each other – this is more than just understanding someone, I liken it to when both people share the same personal feelings on something; such as: they may share the same faith, have similar feelings about love, hobbies, passions, or experiences.]

Do you know what it feels like to be heart to heart with someone? I don’t know if I do. I wonder how many people have ever felt so close and so loved by another that they didn’t need to be loved by anyone else. I long for transparency in my closest relationships, especially when I think about marriage. I want to feel so safe with them that I could tell them anything, good or bad. How many people know of a relationship like that to know what that even looks like, much less feels like?

I want to get lost in love so far to where I can’t find myself… but do I really know what that means? No. I don’t. I definitely haven’t experienced it.

To all single adults wanting love and intimacy, be encouraged! The right person for you is out there. Keep shining bright, there will always be someone looking for a light to brighten up their life!

svg5 min read

Jason Perry

I'm a black man with Christian values. A father to my son, a friend to those who desire my friendship, a lover of life and even more...


  • Maya Moore

    July 26, 2014 at 8:45 pm

    Ahhhh, where do i start, LOL. I love the opening of the this blog, knowing vs. understanding. they are two very different things. I agree w/ what your friend said about you wanting something more from her…I dont know all the details but to me it seems that she is saying if you really liked her in a dating type of way you would want something more from her, state it and go after it. Idk maybe it’s a girl thing. Lastly I dont know what it feels like to be heart to heart w/ someone, but i will say i have felt so lost in love that I could not find myself and it was a scary and unhealthy thing to and for me. I felt very co-dependent, that was not a good thing for me, i dont want to be like that again, so I guess I’ll say I do want to be in love but a healthy type of love. I have to think about this more, LOL.

  • Maya Moore

    July 26, 2014 at 8:46 pm

    oh yeah and I love the new look and feel of your blog!

    • jason

      July 27, 2014 at 4:25 pm

      Thanks Maya for liking the new website feel!
      Love is so interesting to me. In one way can be like singing, exercising, etc … you never really know what notes you can hit, or how strong you can be, until someone encourages you or forces you to do it! And you comply because it’s what you want.

  • Lashondra Leonard

    September 17, 2014 at 7:22 pm

    I have been lost lost in love and felt so connected to my husband. This article made me really smile, because it made me think about how I used to feel and how happy I was then.

    • jason

      September 17, 2014 at 8:06 pm

      Thanks for reading Lashondra!!
      I’m really glad that it made you smile 🙂


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This is my journal, my journey, and my perspective in life – JP

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