Most people think they know a lot. But, knowing something and understanding it is two different things. What do you really understand? How many people understand how a microwave works, or how an engine works? What about people and intimate relationships … who has the answers to really understand why half of all marriages end in divorce, or the reasons why it takes some people years to finally know what they want out of a relationship, or why a wife would cheat on their seemingly loving husband, or why a pastor who preaches against divorce would still get divorced? Pride can tell you that you have a high level of understanding about everything, the in’s and out’s about life, the reasons why things happen, etc. Humility tells you that though you may know a lot, no one can possibly know everything about everything… especially when it comes to meeting the right person or being in a relationship.
Last night I was speaking to a friend, she asked me what did I expect from her moving forward in our friendship communication-wise, and I told her that I wanted to be in her life and all I wanted was an organic relationship… which is basically what she willing to offer to me (paraphrasing); she then replied and said something very interesting. I don’t remember exactly how she said it, but she basically said that I couldn’t just want what she was willing to give if I really cared for her, because I would always want more than what she gave… Anyway, I don’t know. Nevertheless, as I think about it more I realize that I’m still learning about relationships and I don’t know what it really feels like to have high expectations of someone, in an intimate relationship.
While speaking to her, we also discussed her levels of personal intimacy, which I feel may be similar to how other women view intimacy within their relationships. This is the first and most important level, I believe that it’s very important for her to feel that someone understands her. [Understanding – meaning that they recognize her personality and beliefs, and know the reasons why she is the person who she is.] Her second level of intimacy is deeper than someone simply understanding her as a person, it’s when someone shows her compassion. [Compassion – when someone acts outside of their rational mind, based on the emotions, from the love from their heart.] The final level of intimacy is when there is such a strong connection between both people, that they just get each other. [Getting each other – this is more than just understanding someone, I liken it to when both people share the same personal feelings on something; such as: they may share the same faith, have similar feelings about love, hobbies, passions, or experiences.]
Do you know what it feels like to be heart to heart with someone? I don’t know if I do. I wonder how many people have ever felt so close and so loved by another that they didn’t need to be loved by anyone else. I long for transparency in my closest relationships, especially when I think about marriage. I want to feel so safe with them that I could tell them anything, good or bad. How many people know of a relationship like that to know what that even looks like, much less feels like?
I want to get lost in love so far to where I can’t find myself… but do I really know what that means? No. I don’t. I definitely haven’t experienced it.
To all single adults wanting love and intimacy, be encouraged! The right person for you is out there. Keep shining bright, there will always be someone looking for a light to brighten up their life!