How do you feel about the idea of wanting someone in your life, yet not wanting to feel a need for them, when it comes to forming a relationship? In this song, Neyo – Miss Independent, Neyo sings this, “…Said ooh it’s somethin’ about a kinda woman that want you but don’t need you…“. Neyo, and many other men, feel that being an independent woman is attractive. Hey, I don’t think it’s nothing wrong with that, but I also feel that people (men and women), in a way, need to question their desires when they are looking to form or have a successful intimate relationship, and yet at the same time, want to be independent.

All relationships are formed because both people want something from the other person; it could be that they are looking for someone to talk to, spend time with, to network with, or they are looking for a sexual relationship, or whatever. However, the best relationships I’ve seen are that way because both people have a great dependency and need for each other. You know, if any of my friends ever told me, “Hey man, I love my girl because she completes me.”, then I would definitely know that he is in love.. just because of how he communicated his feelings. I feel that the more you need someone in your life, the greater the chance that you will have a successful relationship.

But, I’m beginning to see more and more people wanting love, yet also at the same time not wanting to allow themselves to have a need or strong desire for someone else; fearing rejection or maybe fearing being in love, and all that comes with it. I find myself in this category sometimes. Nevertheless, as we all age… the need, the longing in your soul for a committed meaningful relationship becomes greater. And those who fear being in a loving relationship, just begin to create emotional attachments in their life, or form close bonds with their pet(s).

Today I was with a friend, and we were in a grocery store (Trader Joe’s) and she helped this elderly Asian man just out of the kindness of her heart, who was handicapped, driving in a power-chair pushing his groceries along the floor. I just looked, and thought to myself, “Awwe… that was nice.” And, after we left the store and were walking down the sidewalk, we came to an intersection and we saw the same elderly Asian man again in his power-chair crossing the street. At that time, she then said, “OhI wish I could help him.” And, though I had compassion for the man, I immediately thought to myself, “Why does she want to help him, and not the guy begging for money that we just passed, or one of the other strangers that have walked passed us, and may need help?

Though I knew that she wanted to help him just because he was handicapped, I also saw that she reached out to him because she knew that he needed her help. And, I have seen it to be true that a lot of women would rather give their selves, or be with men who need them, than be bothered with men who don’t need them, but simply want them. What are you looking for in a relationship? Do you just want someone, or do you need them?

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Jason Perry

I'm a black man with Christian values. A father to my son, a friend to those who desire my friendship, a lover of life and even more...

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This is my journal, my journey, and my perspective in life – JP

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