Are You SETTLING In A Relationship?

As I look back on how I chose my friends in life, I sometimes wonder why certain things didn’t happen the way I planned. How does one go about making decisions on who they’re going to allow into their life?  Or, is that decision already made before one has the chance to consciously really decide.

No one wants to make a bad decision when it comes to life long relationships. But I feel you can’t really know who’s best for you, even if everything about someone looks awesome from your perspective. For example, when a guy looks at a woman he can see if she fits what he wants; basically determine if she is what a friend of mine calls ‘Wifey Material’ – which is basically a woman who may have a college degree, doesn’t have more than one kid, she comes from a good family, and she even may know how to cook. But, just because she may fit the bill, it still doesn’t mean that she is the one for him, and vice versa.

No couple can truly know if they are compatible for each other, until after they’ve been together for a while, and they have shown their compatibility… not before they’re even together. But, they can make a commitment to each other to love and trust each other.

I feel that this statement applies to more than just relationships, and is a good principle to understand and live by if your heart and intentions are pure.

If you want something, you first need to be able to receive what you want, then you have to have the confidence, patience, and desire it takes to go out and get it

It was when I first really knew exactly what I wanted, and knew what it would take to get it, that I could say I first realized that I wasn’t settling for any woman that I felt attracted to; and that my initial attraction to a woman alone, meant that I wasn’t settling.

One thing that is very attractive to me (besides a woman’s smile), is how she interacts with me – when she can give me her whole attention, while not constantly interacting with her phone, and I knowing that she is satisfied just being with me.  One of the best dictators of a great relationship, is when two people are able be comfortable when spending time together in an environment of silence (little noise) – like when a couple are walking together holding hands, sitting together on a beach, birdwatching at a park, or on a chair staring at the stars in the moonlight.

You can choose to love someone that you’re in a relationship with, but you can’t make someone want to be in a relationship with you. Even if I’m desperate for love.. it still takes two people to have a relationship. I believe that once I’m in a relationship with someone who loves me, and I feel like I’m desperate without her, then I know for sure that I’m not settling.

svg4 min read

Jason Perry

I'm a black man with Christian values. A father to my son, a friend to those who desire my friendship, a lover of life and even more...

One Comment

  • mypuzzlepeace

    October 27, 2015 at 9:25 pm

    Love the quote!! I recently learned just because someone has the qualities I look for on paper, it doesn’t mean they are right for me. It hurt, but it was a real eye opener.


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This is my journal, my journey, and my perspective in life – JP

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