The Fear of Being Submissive

Earlier today, I received a text of a social media post regarding a woman’s idea of submission. At first I just glanced at it and continued what i was doing before. Thinking to myself, “Oh, this is another rant from another hurt woman regarding being submissive in a relationship.” But, after a few minutes, it was as if something hit me. Just like the founding fathers of our country led the fight for America’s independence from Britain, in a very similar way, it seems as if a lot of women feel the need to fight for independence & power within relationships.

The most interesting thing to me is wondering why so many women, who have so much freedom and financial authority feel so suppressed? Or victimized?

I believe our country, is shaking. And because of poor leadership, and unjust enforcement of laws, our country is beginning to wage a war against many of the core principles of Christianity, which is the foundation of America.

The Bible is essentially what most of America’s laws and beliefs are rooted within. And, so many things are changing. Even our interpretation of scripture is changing… there are so many versions of the Bible, there are so many different denominations of Christianity.

So many of our core beliefs are changing. Just in the last few years, a child now has the power to change their gender. That’s crazy to me! Our leaders say outright lies and spread hate without repercussions. And, the types of Christian character traits which I was taught to exemplify are almost mythical to so many people today.

Like being compassionate, having a heart to serve others, practicing self-control, respecting and honoring elders in the community, or sacrificing for the greater good. We live in a culture where people want everything to be comfortable, quick and easy. But, anyone with any wisdom and life experience will tell you, the best and closest relationships are all established through trials and the test of time.

The best relationships are built over time.

After reading that social media post, I also thought if I were to ask some of my female friends what submission meant to them, what would they say? I probably would receive completely different answers, like…

  • Woman #1I don’t know what it means. I don’t believe my man wants me to submit to him, he likes me the way I am.
  • Woman #2Well, the Bible says that women are supposed to submit to their husbands. But, I know it doesn’t mean I have to go along with whatever he wants to do.
  • Woman #3Why are you asking me this? Why do women always have to submit? I don’t care what anyone thinks in means. It means whatever I want it to mean.
  • Woman #4You’re asking about submission in general or submission in a relationship? Well, I suppose it’s when you choose to regard someone else’s feelings or desires above yours.

Every woman knows what submission is not, few know what it is.

What’s so ironic is that the Bible never mentions anything about women being submissive to men, just for the sake of. The Bible only mentions women being submissive when in regard to marriage. I suppose all of it just points out to the deep issues regarding submitting to authority. And, it speaks to the large amount of hurt insecure women who don’t know how to love themselves, or had anyone build up their inner confidence… which is ultimately a result of poor parenting.

The fear associated with submitting to someone you love only comes from ignorance. No matter what gender you are, we should never fear being in a relationship. But, everyone should fear entering into relationships with insecure or selfish people, because they aren’t able to love themselves enough to show love outwardly. Our respect and love for ourselves (and God who created us) should determine the types of decisions we make when creating romantic relationships.

And, there are always exceptions… as forgiving someone’s actions and accepting them is two different things. And, I feel no one should live in a toxic environment just to prove their love. Life is crazy sometimes. I believe if I pray for wisdom, be willing and open to accept criticism, learn from my mistakes and trust the process… everything will work out just fine.

  • Wives (Ephes. 5:22-23) – Wives, be subject [or submissive; not to men in general; not as inferior to him, nor in violation of her Christian ethics, but with honor] to your own husbands, as a service to the Lord. For the husband is head of the wife, as Christ is head of the church, Himself being the Savior of the body.
  • Husbands (Ephes. 5:25, 28) – Husbands, love your wives [seek the highest good for her and surround her with a caring, unselfish love], just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her, … Even so husbands should and are morally obligated to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself.

svg7 min read

Jason Perry

I'm a black man with Christian values. A father to my son, a friend to those who desire my friendship, a lover of life and even more...


  • Tikeetha T

    February 25, 2020 at 1:41 pm

    I don’t think it’s as simple as fear to submitting to someone you love. I think it is more complex. Many women are truly engaging in relationships with men that they don’t think can lead. A lot of men don’t know how to lead so how can submission occur if he doesn’t understand his role as a man and head of the household? Natural submission occurs when your spouse is loving you like Christ loves the church. There is no thought of it being wrong, unequal or anything we could think of. It just happens because you know that he’s following Christ and where a man is led by Christ you should follow. I think we’re just a lot of messed up Christians playing house and asking for submission when we don’t know what we’re supposed to do.

    • Jason

      February 25, 2020 at 9:54 pm

      Thanks for commenting T! I agree that roles within marriages are complex.
      Hey, you say it yourself that “many women are in relationships with men that they don’t think can lead.” So either the women don’t trust their man, or are afraid to follow their lead.
      I don’t believe every man is a good leader. No. Nor do I feel submission is all about following, as a true leader empowers others. Although every marriage is different, the foundation should be the same.
      And, when I think of the ideal relationship or marriage, I focus less on specifics of gender roles, and more so on creating a foundation of love, trust, respect and spiritual agreement in the marriage and working on it daily.


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This is my journal, my journey, and my perspective in life – JP

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