Currently, I have been going through a lot. I’ve been thinking a lot about life and where I want to be in the next 5 – 10 years. I’ve been asking myself various questions like: “Should I change my career or get my doctorate or go to law school? What do I really want in a marriage? Should I start trying to date older women?“. I’ve even been thinking of my past relationships trying to figure out what I did wrong, or what I could’ve done to make it work. Even though I know that I can’t change the past, nor do I feel that every relationship is meant to last. However I do feel understanding my past decisions will at least help me change my future for the better.
For me, one thing which I now see with clarity is how difficult it is to meet women I’m attracted to and compatible with. I also realize that I should have placed more effort into my previous relationships and been more open to long-term dating. In my middle to late 20’s it seemed as if all of my friends were either getting married and having kids or they were in a serious relationship. Weddings, kids, and new jobs were the norm. It seemed as if everyone else was so happy… but, at the time I was living in depression because I didn’t have any of these things.
Fast forward to my late 30’s (as it took me a little over a decade to get what most of my friends had at 25, but we won’t talk about that. I’ll save that for another blog post), I am becoming more stable and successful. But, I also have to learn how to deal with not only the pain of divorce, but the responsibility of being a the best father to my son. Even though I’ve heard it said by every marriage counselor, pastor, and relationship lecturer at one time or another… “Almost half of every marriage ends in divorce.“; I never expected to be in a position where I would even consider getting a divorce, yet here I am.
Hopefully, when (or if) I get married again I’ll be able to raise the percentage of successful marriages 🙂 .
The bright side of it all is that I’m learning to expect the unexpected, and not to trust my instincts on everything (simply put, just getting older and more mature). And, I can see some glimmers of light at the end of this tunnel of misery that I am currently going through, because each day I see my son it lets me know that I’ve done something right.
Another thing about life is that with a little faith, patience, a lot of hard work, courage to make tough decisions, and some hope… anyone can turn around any negative situation into a positive one.
I would also like to mention to all who read this, if you are thinking of going through a divorce… please, give it time and think it through.
You will essentially be going to war with someone who you claimed to love. I know every person has heard someone say to them at one time or another, “Hey, don’t do what I did, or what I’m doing. It’s not worth it.“; though it may seem as if I’m giving the same speech. But, I’m not. All I’m saying, is make a wise decision, because certain issues can be easily solved and rectified with a few thoughtful actions and personal sacrifices. Plus, not everyone is not built for war. I’ve heard it said… “A lot of people want to be a wolf, but they eventually shy away when it’s time to do wolf things.“
In my 40 years of life, I’ve read books and listened to many respectable people share their opinions about life, love and happiness. Though this may be contrary to many, I don’t believe there is some universal rubric (or 10-step success guide) to life that will give happiness to everyone who follows it. Life is different for everybody, and more complex and multi-faceted than any 10-step success guide. The world needs love. And, we need good healthy loyal relationships… and we all have to live each day with purpose and continue to learn from our mistakes.
This is quite beautifully written. Heartfelt for sure. I’m sorry you had to go through a divorce – -I’m even more sorry that someone tried to make you feel better by mentioning the statistic. No one ever goes into a relationship be ready to watch it fall apart — married or not. So, I’m just sorry you went through that, are maybe still feeling some residual effects of it.
But, the one thing you can always rely on for sure is that things change. The only constant in life is change. I forget who said that, but they were brilliant. That’s not a bad thing or an reference to marriage — instead, it just means what I love most about my life is that I tend to keep walking along the path no matter what. I fall a lot of the times, I get bruised and beat up, but I also sometimes glide along — I’ll even admit to soaring… Life is a beautiful magic thing… if we can remember that, especially in the tough times, it makes it so much easier to get back up, dust ourselves on and keep on keepin’ on when need be!
Life is different for everyone…. When we focus on our relationship with our partner, it will be hard to live…. You have gone through a lot, I think…. Just keep yourself busy…. Blogging is a good attempt….