Let’s talk about what’s real and what’s real in your imagination. This blog will be an in depth view of my thoughts on online dating. What’s real about it, and how quickly we are to judge or label people without knowing them, basically “swipe left”. I also want to write about how this generation has lost respect for one another, and how it has affected dating and relationships.

I believe that social media is a virtual reality, and has caused people to lose hope in the reality of life. Some people are not happy living in their own reality, so they are always avoiding real relationships while pursuing likes from followers on social media. Just to be transparent, even I have isolated myself more now that I can interact with friends virtually. Though social media has made it easier to connect with friends and meet new people, it has also redefined “friendship” and gives an illusion of what it is.

Dating is about spending real time with someone. It’s all the same whether you want a life partner, a committed relationship, or looking for someone to marry.

From my perspective as a black man, it’s easy to see that dating in itself has changed drastically just from when I was in college. Women are becoming more aggressive in pursuing men, more people would rather text than take the time to talk, social media profiles have become one of the best ways to get to know someone, our lifestyles and career pursuits have made it harder for real relationships to develop.

Basically, online dating is simply easier, cheaper, less time consuming and eliminates the anxieties or so-called horrors that come with meeting someone in your day-to-day life.

In my 20’s, I remember meeting a lady at an event and asking for her number. She smiled. We talked for a while. She ended up giving me her number, and she also invited me to her parent’s house the next night to hang out with her friends.

We respected each other enough to take the time to talk… without making a clear judgment of one another. A lot of people meet someone and in their mind, before they speak, they either swipe left or right. And, we didn’t need to check out each other’s Facebook profile (checking out their friends, career, pictures) to make a determination on our attraction to each other. If you are attracted to someone just because they take good pictures, or they have a good job… then you’re vain. A relationship built on vanity will never last and will only produce hurt.

Times have changed now that I’m in my late 30’s. I would never expect for a woman to invite me to her house, or introduce me to her parents… just after meeting her. In general, I find it’s rare for men/women to even answer their phones consistently. Plus people are more likely to interact online (or through text) than through verbal communication in real life.

I often find myself wondering what do I need to do in order to get attention from women I’m attracted to. Will they respect me if I approach them? Will they label and judge me if I approach them? And, am I willing to do what it takes in order to get their attention?

Well, one thing I do know is that we are all guilty of judging books by their cover. I know that. At this point in my life, I’m tired of texting messages online to women who are busy living their life or hanging out with their real friends. I’m tired of standing on the wall, I want to get on the dance floor with someone who wants to dance with me.