There are some people who feel like dating life is so much better than married life. One of my friends told me, “Dude enjoy being single and having a girlfriend as much as you can. Man, when you’re dating, you get the benefits without the responsibility!” Though his statement does sound a little bit immature, I definitely understand where he’s coming from. I imagine when I get married I would have more responsibilities, in general, as I know my family’s happiness would come before my own.
The issue for me right now is… I’m currently in a long distance relationship (LDR) and I feel like I’m not getting any benefits, or better yet, I’m not getting the benefits I want while I’m dating. So what do I mean by benefits? … I mean the benefits of simply being in a relationship!
Just having someone to sit next and talk to when I want. That is a simple benefit I don’t have. I would love just to go to a restaurant or to be able to stay up watching a movie with her. I won’t even go into kissing and hugging! It’s like, I’m dating someone, yet I still feel lonely.
I don’t know. Well, it’s not that I don’t love and care for my girlfriend. I know that I know that I love her, I respect her, I know her worth and really want us to work. She and I, both have invested a lot into the relationship we currently have. We talk religiously everyday, and we’ve been talking everyday for over 5 months. I think about her everyday. But, as each week passes and she’s not physically in my life I am having to remind myself that I’m not crazy, because this is what a LDR is all about (I didn’t really understand all that comes with a LDR when I signed up for it). And though we’re not living together, I know my love for her is real and I feel our love is worth the wait.
The question is… how long am I willing to wait? How long is she willing to wait until our living situation changes? There is a threshold for everything. How many straws will it take to break the back of our relationship. I know I can’t live and not be happy. I won’t allow myself to live a lifestyle of unhappiness. I’ve never had an issue with loyalty or commitment. You know, I just want to feel loved, be affectionate with my girlfriend, and move forward in this relationship… is that too much to ask?
Well I do know one thing for sure, and I’ll try anything once. I’m not happy being so distant from her. I honestly don’t know how other people do LDR’s. I know that eventually I will take my happiness into my own hands, if life doesn’t deal me the right cards. What that means specifically, I don’t know. But this is my first and will be my last LDR 🙂 .
I actually know a couple who entered into a long distance marriage. They didn’t plan it that way. They were living in Chicago and he worked for the White Sox. They had just won the world series and they had a 1 year old baby. He got a job in NYC for MLB. His dream job. She was a professor at a local university. They did the long distance for 3 years. She then got a job as Dean of a local university and tenured position outside of Boston. They were closer. He still lives in NY and her in MA. They had another daughter and they make it work. They support each other’s career and family is first. It’s not for everyone, but I admire how they don’t feel the need to sacrifice their career goals and dreams to have a “traditional marriage”. It works for them. Focus on what works for you. You two will be fine.
Thanks T for the encouragement! Yeah, successful LDR’s are very few, I only know of 1 couple who made it work. It’s about values, desires, and sacrifice. The things I value, I desire to have them and I will make a sacrifice for them.
I’ve treated every relationship I’ve been in a little different. At this time in this relationship, I think we are still feeling and figuring each other out really. I know I don’t want to be in a LDR for too long. The question I constantly ask myself, “Is she worth it?” Right now the answer is emphatically, YES! But, there will be a time, if there aren’t any plans in the works for us to get married or live closer together, where that answer will change.
Sad it hear that Jason.. I’ve been in a few LDR and its tough but it definitely takes investment and sacrifice from both to have an successful relationship. I’ve recently stopped investing my time into LDR, its time for me to look within my circle or at least in my city for love. Trying something new!!! Good Luck Jason!
Thanks Taylor! Yeah, I definitely concur with you. I need to develop a new circle. As my girlfriend and I broke up a few months ago.