Too High Expectations

Once every blue moon the subject of MARRIAGE will come to mind, and today is one of those days. This time it was placed in my mind because of a conversation I had with my mom and hearing her adamant desire for grandchildren (which I want too), and also just seeing so many of my friends taking pictures with their family as they enjoy their Memorial Day weekend.

true loveAnd, it’s not as if I want to jump into marriage as soon as possible. No! I guess when I think about marriage, I’m thinking more so about meeting the right woman. But, where is she? Who is she? What does she look like?

I know that I create the life I live in, and I know I have made some bad decisions in life, but I have also made a lot of good ones too BTW. In my life, I have experienced a lot of unique circumstances which makes me who I am, and it makes it harder to find women compatible with me, or that can identify with me…basically, I know I’m not a normal guy. Nonetheless, I still have dated around and have had close relationships, but the fact still remains that I’m 34 and I’ve never dated anyone over 3 months (I feel that is weird).

As I sat on my couch thinking about relationships and marriage, questions began to saturate my mind, like: Why am I not currently involved with someone? Why haven’t I had any steady long-term relationships? Why has it been in most cases that the women who have been interested in me, I wasn’t interested in them?

Some of my friends tell me, they say, “Jason, you’ve got to get out of the friend zone with these women!”, or “Don’t even look for real relationships because these girls in Los Angeles aren’t looking for man to date, they’re already in an intimate relationship with their dreams/career.”, or “Jason you’re too picky, you need to just choose one that wants to settle down, and move forward.” But, the thing is… it’s not that I feel like what they’re saying isn’t good advice, because I feel each one has some truth in it that I need to receive; the thing is, is that I want what I want… and I haven’t found it yet.

I used to feel as if my expectations for women were too high, but I remember talking to my friend about a woman I was interested in, and he said, “…why wouldn’t she want someone like you?” And that conversation gave me the realization of my own self-doubt and lack of confidence, because I shouldn’t feel unworthy to approach any woman; especially if I feel led to do so and my heart feels a connection beyond physical attraction.

Well you tell me if I’m asking too much for the type of woman I’m interested in…

1. Love God and Love People – I’m not a religious person, but God is very important to me, and she has to be able to love me for me and also have similar values and beliefs. I love being around people and I have a lot of friends, so definitely she can’t be the jealous type or be selfish.

2. Love Me – She has to connect with my heart and be able to show me that she loves me. Just a call/text here or there, and having walls up or being introverted… nah. I need her to open up and share her heart with me, and feel comfortable enough to talk to me about anything.

3. Attractive – I’m not attracted to every little thing that bounces up and down wearing fancy clothes. There are so many things that make a woman beautiful and attractive. Though I am attracted to tall women with athletic build and women of color, I am open to dating women outside of my physical preference type. (**there is something about women who wear too much makeup that just doesn’t go well with me)

4. Smiles and Hugs – I love to be around people who smile 😆, and there are so many women who don’t like to smile. Maybe they are always mad, or maybe they had a bad childhood, or maybe they have bad teeth… idk, but I know I can’t be with a woman who doesn’t want to smile and hug me when we see each other.

5. Intelligent – Communication problems are probably the number one issue in most relationships. Any woman I have a relationship with has to be intelligent just for us to communicate our feelings or inspire/encourage each other. And, we connect in a way where our conversations aren’t forced.

Is that too much to ask??

svg6 min read

Jason Perry

I'm a black man with Christian values. A father to my son, a friend to those who desire my friendship, a lover of life and even more...

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This is my journal, my journey, and my perspective in life – JP

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