For the last few weeks I’ve been debating within myself whether or not to make the choice to love someone. I’m not talking about entering into a girlfriend/boyfriend relationship, or dating, or anything like that. I’m talking about making the decision to be vulnerable with someone without any commitment.
I easily fall in love. Its always been easy to love, because I have the ability to trust. A lot of women have trust issues, because of past relationships, or maybe they are just confused about what they really want from someone in a relationship.
I find most single people think they want a meaningful relationship, but usually when given the opportunity they generally just want a friend or a sex buddy.
My best friend always tells me, “Jason! You move too fast with these girls! You gotta slow it down.” And, guess what… he’s right. I know it. Nevertheless, I also know I’m the person Elvis was singing about, when he sang the lyrics, “Wise men say, only fools rush in, but I can’t help falling in love with you”. 🙂
The thing is, I want to be in a relationship.. I want a girlfriend. Well, let me rephrase that. I honestly feel a little too old to call any woman my girlfriend. I am now mature enough to simply look at everyone as who they are without labeling them. And, let the love inside us, that we have for each other, decide the true nature of our relationship as we spend time together.
In essence I’m saying, I don’t like to be labeled in a relationship without a real commitment.
If you’re not engaged or married, then where’s the real commitment… I don’t know, that’s just me. And, if there’s no real commitment then all you can do is expect some form of friendship or momentary intimacy.
So, how long should I wait to tell someone I really care about them? One week..two weeks..three months..? There is no right/wrong time... it’s always the right time to tell someone you’re attracted to them, or you care about them, if you mean it.
Just like it’s always the RIGHT time when something good happens, regardless if it happened on accident or it happened purposely. Why can’t that same understanding be applied to relationships… since loving others is good, it’s always the right time when someone makes an effort to love someone else. One of my friends puts it like this, “If she is attracted to you and is interested in you, then she’ll make time for you. Simple as that.” Some things just are supposed to happen naturally. And, just like it takes time for a seed to produce any fruit naturally, I believe it takes time to receive the benefits of a newly developed relationship.
So I guess, when is the right time to love? I think it’s always the right time, if you find the right person..
Gerreka
October 28, 2012 at 10:22 pm
I completely agree with taking your time (not too much time, doesn’t take too long to see if a person is right for you))in a relationship because often times you meet a person representative before you meet them. I can see why you say you’re too old for the girlfriend title. However, I feel like that is a form of commitment before the engagement period. When people date with the intention of marrying and not just for entertainment purposes these titles are taken a lot more serious and not given out as freely. Example, I have a friend who got engaged to her now fiancée after 3 months. They both were seriously dating with the intention of marriage so it didn’t take long to determine they were right for each other. Now many would say that’s too short you need to date longer etc. but reality is it doesn’t take a year to figure out whether or not a person is for you.
Lastly, I’ve written to long lol I agree there shouldn’t be a time limit to when you express feelings but if you can’t see that person as your future wife or husband then what’s the sole purpose of expressing those feelings? (rhetorical ?) The next man I call “boyfriend” should Be called fiancée the husband because i date with purpose =)
jason
October 29, 2012 at 4:44 am
Thanks for reading and commenting Gerreka!! I love reading and writing, so don’t ever feel you wrote too much :). Reading your words inspire me to think more about what I wrote.
I personally think that relationships are very important and valuable… There are so many people (men and women) in my age bracket that I feel are just like me.. single and wanting to get started and begin the process of creating a family. But, I can’t ignore the fact that everything takes time. It takes the right timing for any relationship to be created between two people, because everyone has their own life.. it takes time for love in the relationship to develop… it takes time and energy just to kick it with people. I just want to use my time wisely and invest it in someone who loves me.
I hope my next “girl-friend” will be my fiancee as well, but who knows the future..
Sasha
September 17, 2014 at 2:25 am
I agree with Gerreka on dating with a purpose !!!
My only issue is I don’t like being vulnerable too early. And I feel expressing your feelings too soon is questionable. At this point in my life, I don’t usually hold back how I feel. However, I end up regretting it because in my mind I’m like you’ve made yourself look too vulnerable when you reveal too soon.
It’s true that things take time .. Yes. But how much? This is the area I still struggle in. Little patience.
I remember dating someone for 10 months before we made it official and I literally drove myself crazy. I had feelings. I expressed them but yet he wasn’t ready to commit. In his defense he had lost his wife two years prior. I would ask him which felt like on a weekly basis, How do you feel about me? Where do I stand? and the infamous, Do you want to be with me? Lol
It just came to a point where I said to myself I enjoy our friendship and if that’s all he can offer I have to accept it. But how do you emotionally check out? Love is not a light switch, at least mine isn’t.
It’s 5:15am here and my reply has become long winded and kind of an overkill. Sorry 🙁
However, I do agree about using time wisely to invest in someone. I’m thirty *cough cough* and I don’t have anymore time to waste. However I’ve come to an appreciation and understanding like the stock market in order to see a higher return, it takes just that … time.
jason
September 17, 2014 at 7:48 pm
🙂 Sasha, thank you for expressing your heart!
You know patience is a virtue… it isn’t something you are born with, it’s something that’s learned.
And clarity in relationships is definitely very important!! I think it’s very respectful to let someone know if you’re interested in them as a friend, lover, someone to date, or if you want a committed relationship with them… but wisdom and discernment lets you know the right time to relay that information. Understanding how to say something and when is important, but finding the right person, at the right time, who will love you for you is more important.