Stop Tearing Down.. Start Building UP

Why does it seem like people always want to tear you down, talk about things that are negative, discuss the errors in your life more so than the things which are positive and praise worthy? I’ll tell you the reason…or this is a reason, let’s say that. This is a little secret that has gone unseen and unknown for most of my life, I guess it’s because of my naivete, but now at this time, I do understand.

People tear others down, in order to build themselves up.

It’s a thinking that focuses on the fact that, if I can make this person looks worse, then it will ultimately make me look/feel better. The less attractive this person looks, the more attractive I become. So the more I can talk down to them, trying to make them feel bad, the better I feel about myself… Why do people want to demean others, especially people that they supposedly care about? Can someone hate you and love you at the same time?

To hate what someone does, is different from hating them. The fact that I hate/dislike the actions of someone I love, should not influence my actions to treat them as if I didn’t love them. But, it happens all the time… there are a lot of people who choose to treat those they love the most, much worse than they would treat a stranger.

Moments ago, I was watching a documentary called Raw Faith on the Documentary Channel. It was about a journey through the life of a female pastor in Oregon (who, interestingly, was from Louisiana, which is where I’m from). In one part of the documentary, the pastor, who’s in her 60’s or 70’s, was describing her family life as a child. She spoke about her father, and described him as a mean, negative, and aggressive person; and, how she lived in fear much of her life as a child. Yet, she still remembers times where he was less aggressive and even affectionate towards her. The times when her father would lift her up in his arms and tell her, ‘I love you’…but, those times only occurred when he was drunk, and the smell of whiskey spewed from his breath, as she listened to his words influenced by alcohol.

I want to be encouraging, loving, kind, etc.. But, I’m still a realist. I try not to let anyone blow my head up to where I think I’m all that, because as soon as you give the power to someone to puff you up with their words, you also give them the power to deflate you, and bring you down with their words. I still believe in being HONEST, and telling people the TRUTH. Though sometimes the truth hurts… I know that just as well as anyone else. Nevertheless, I believe that one of the kindest things you can do to someone is tell them the truth, IN LOVE, and do it AT THE RIGHT TIME. Timing is so important when trying to get across your feelings to someone, because they have to be in a place where they can receive what you are saying.

Sometimes when I feel like no one cares, I think to myself… “If one of my friends committed a crime, and was sentenced to death, would I love them enough to raise my hand and offer to take their place, and be judged for their actions?” The answer is, no, I would not. But, Jesus died on the cross for my sins, and gave himself for me. Just knowing that keeps me humble. And, it makes me focus on the positive things in life.

svg5 min read

Jason Perry

I'm a black man with Christian values. A father to my son, a friend to those who desire my friendship, a lover of life and even more...


  • Tim

    June 19, 2012 at 8:06 pm

    i enjoyed it.

    • jason

      June 19, 2012 at 11:04 pm

      thanks bro!

  • labelledphoenix

    June 25, 2012 at 3:18 pm

    A friend of mine is like that but she jokes about mean things too. The problem is that she is constantly changing moods towards people. So, one day, she might be perfectly happy and the next she might go up to you and start saying rude words I would rather not use on a comment. I didn’t get it, but now I think I do. Thanks 🙂


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This is my journal, my journey, and my perspective in life – JP

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