The past few days I have felt at times very unresponsive to the joyful, engaging, delightful feelings of the holiday season. As I was watching an old Charlie Brown cartoon movie, I felt so happy, and I felt so much better just to see that Charlie Brown was more depressed than I have been feeling as of late 🙂 . Just seeing them (Snoopy, Linus, Charlie Brown, Lucy, Pig-Pen, and Schroeder) jump and dance to the Peanuts theme song made me so… I don’t know, it just reminded me of being happy I guess, and that softened my spirit with some childlike joy.
This Thanksgiving was not what I hoped it to be, although I’m grateful and thankful for what it was, it still was not all I hoped it would be. First of all, I had to work on Thanksgiving, and I believe this is the first year that I was living in LA and I couldn’t spend the whole day with my family on Thanksgiving. Then after work when I went to my aunt’s house to spend time with family, I just didn’t feel right. It just wasn’t what I imagined it to be.
I cannot remember how long I have been praying for a wife. And, I understand being in a relationship with someone isn’t easy, and finding a wife is even harder. One of my prayers which I brought up to God at the beginning of this year, was that I wouldn’t go to Thanksgiving dinner at my aunt’s house alone 🙂 . I know that’s a weird prayer, maybe some would say, but I am getting so tired of people asking me about getting married, pressuring me into being in a relationship, questioning my expectations on things I find attractive, and constantly bring to my attention that I AM SINGLE. Seeing my brother married, not being able to hang out with friends, because they’re all married or in relationships, all of which just made me feel even less thankful this Thanksgiving. And, I will not even dare to elaborate on all the family issues which has caused dissension within my immediate family.
Looking back, though this past week wasn’t all I imagined it to be, I still have to thank God for all that it was. I was able to see my brother and his wife, and spend time with them as well as other members of my family. I am thankful for the job that I have, even though I had to work on a holiday. I am very grateful and thankful for be blessed enough to have the decision to do almost anything I want. And, I am thankful for God’s love in that I know He loves me, and His words in the Bible consistently reaffirm my spirit each week, as I have to handle the crap that life throws at me. Life isn’t easy. Just to stay positive, I have to constantly pray for wisdom and the ability to love and hope that the best is yet to come.
Living in Louisiana, I just have to ask one thing, “The holidays are here now, but where’s winter?”