I’m beginning to come to the conclusion that I am too overly concerned about the feelings of others, so to not be offensive towards people, instead of just saying what I want and need to say. I don’t want to come off as offensive, I want to be cool and comfortable to be around. But, it’s an unrealistic desire to change the initial negative perceptions others have when they hear my words, or discomfort felt when in my presence, because I see that some people find me offensive just because of who I am, not what I do.
I am getting older. I know it. I feel it. And as time, my near-death experiences, spiritual maturity, and other factors cause me to change my desires from what they were when I was younger, I’m seeing myself change physically and mentally. I used to want to be well-liked, popular, or cool (but, I was always cool, so.. lol).
As my life is moving forward to a different season, I find myself being so grateful for the smallest of things, giving praise to God for the chance to enjoy the cool breeze on an afternoon. And my thoughts and feelings are not perfect by any means; I don’t live in a fairy-tale world of flowers and butterflies, my problems are just like anyone else’s, if not greater. I can see how my heart has become more calloused in regarding the feelings of others, so to not offend them, when expressing myself.
I’m not talking about HONESTY, I’m already honest, or being more CONFIDENT. I’m talking about being courageous enough to be REAL with people, to where how/what they feel matters less, than your feeling to express yourself. Like simply just telling someone your honest opinion, when you know that your opinion could hurt your relationship with them.
Most people are selfish, and are too overly concerned about their own needs to even identify with this post. I am a person who has always cared, always served… now it’s time for me to be real with myself. But, I still feel the strong gravitational pull to conform to social correctness, politeness, and disregard the feelings that lie within my heart. My experiences in life has proved to be the best teacher, and I have learned that I will be offensive to some people, regardless if I smile at them and treat them with respect, so don’t worry about it. I can’t change the perceptions which lie in the heart of others.
And, just being honest, sometimes I am confused about even my own feelings enough to where I don’t even understand how I feel. It takes wisdom to be able to interpret your feelings into words. Because I love people, and I try to love them as God loves them, sometimes I can unconsciously belittle my own thoughts and feelings. I can only love others as much as I love myself, and I love myself enough to value my thoughts, my ideas, my passions, my desires, my opinions, and my beliefs…. because they are mine.