Becoming more Authentic

It’s Sunday night.  I’m up late listening to some inspirational music and finishing up some things I need to get done.  Studying late tonight, I have two more tests to take in each of my classes, as this semester ends early next month…  My spirit was uplifted today, as I experienced the positive, encouraging, and spiritual atmosphere at church.  I can say, I’m doing alright.

I feel myself gradually entering in to something new.  I feel different than I did last year.  Can’t really explain it though.  Sometimes I think that for me, life has been more about going from one state of mind, to a more mature state of mind.  I remember the distinct instances when I have felt my mindset changing, or becoming more renewed.  It’s like when you first understand the difference between wrong and right, or what’s better and what’s worse.  Or, maybe when you first knew why you liked something.  Because you already knew why other people thought you liked it, or even the average person’s best guess would be on why you liked it.

For example, I used to drink Yoohoo’s all the time  🙂  .  I loved them.  And, I never really knew why I liked them until I was in high school.  My mother would say this, if I asked her why I liked Yoohoo’s, “Well.. Jason, you just like sweets.  And, you know they’re not good for you.”, and most people would probably agree with her answer.  But, that wasn’t really the answer.  They’re tons of drinks that are sweet, just about every drink that is sold has sugar in it; so, to me the question was still unanswered.  Why did I like Yoohoo’s so much?  Then, as I got older, and had to choose what I wanted to drink based on my health, my skin complexion, and my energy level, and I stopped drinking Yoohoo’s cold turkey.  And, it hit me, the only reason why I chose to drink them was because nobody else around me liked them, and I just wanted to be different.  I remember being silly as I loudly bellowed YOOO HOOO!, when I drank them, just like in the commercial  🙂 .

So it wasn’t the taste at all, it was just because I wanted to be different.  Think about it, even though I was doing something, I didn’t even really know why I was doing it.  Doesn’t that seem crazy, or is it just me?

I feel that it is a gift from God to being able to listen to your heart and understand it.  To block out the noise of the crazy meaningless things of life that’s all around you, while filtering out the trash and keeping the knowledge of life to gain wisdom.

The last couple of weeks for me has been really mind opening for me.  I feel I can see what I want a little more clearer.  And, now that I can see it, I can take the steps needed in order to attain my goals and satisfy my needs of fulfillment.  These are just two things I really am trying to adapt into my everyday life, that I have recently understood about myself.

1.  I like to smile, I like to be around others who smile —  It seems simple, but take my word for it, this is not simple at all.  When I realized this, I thought to myself, “I like to smile, so I’m going to smile more, regardless of how I feel or who’s looking at me.”  And, not just smiling for no reason, to appear as an idiot, but smiling with the intent to be positive and show myself as a more welcoming person to social interaction.  I realize now that the more I smile while speaking to others, the more people smile at me.  And that’s something I like to see 🙂 .

2. The best relationships are found when both people value everything the other person brings into the relationship.  Energy inside the relationship goes back and forth… opinions matter and are given and received in respect… no one person feels they always have to listen, or always have to speak… — There has to be a balance, at least with the relationships in my life.  I’m tired to exhausting myself to maintain friendships with people were we don’t mutually respect each other in many areas.  I’m tired of the smile and handshake relationships.  I’m beginning to feel more confident in everything I do.  I’m second-guessing myself less, and trusting my feelings more and more.  I feel like my spirit is attached to God, all the time.  Last of all, I honestly really feel that my words really hold value to anyone who wants to listen.

That’s all folks.  Nitey Night

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