Tonight I want to respond to a few myths which I feel are present in the minds of a lot of single adults who are looking for love. Just scrolling through my social media feed I see friends posting and commenting their opinions on various relationship topics. Friends are having virtual meetings discussing real emotions. The last few months of self-isolation due to COVID-19 has greatly affected marriages, engagements, and dating.
As a single professional I for one recognize the signs of the times. The economy is not stable, a lot of people don’t have stable careers or even lost their jobs… these are reasons why most single adults may seriously question even starting a new relationship. Plus those in committed relationships are being confronted with issues they were able to ignore before the stay-at-home orders.
So here are a few myths I want to debunk.
The first myth I want to tackle is… I have to lie to myself (or your partner) about who I am just because I’m feeling lonely.
I’m so tired of people trying to be something they aren’t. Learn to love your identity. You don’t have to facetune, put filters on all of your pictures, or lie about your past. Manipulation is not right. Be honest about who you are so people can love you, for you. If you lie to yourself you can’t be mad if other people do the same thing. There is someone who wants you… you just may not know them yet.
Second myth. It’s cool to make gender-specific assumptions like, all men aren’t willing to change, all men only want sex. Or, all women are selfish, all women what is money.
It’s so easy to put everything into one box, instead of taking the energy to look at each one and organizing them into separate boxes. It’s never a good thing to assume or over-generalize. Even though it seems like all women from Louisiana are difficult 🙂 … I know it’s not true. This is just for the ladies, whenever you put a man in a box all you’re doing is making it harder for them to get out of the box that you put them into. We should allow people to define themselves. Don’t do their job for them.
Third myth. I have options, so it’s OK for me to wait to respond to someone who’s pursuing me.
Some people look at dating almost like a poker game. And, no one likes to show their cards at first. This may be due to a variety of reasons. I don’t know. But, ignoring someone is literally the same as rejecting them. Playing games with people’s hearts only show your immaturity. If you value someone’s time and respect them… then why not, at the least, respond?
Fourth myth. A lot of people really believe, “All things are possible” when it comes to trying to change someone, or pursue someone who isn’t ready to commit.
Let me tell you… all things aren’t possible. Loving blindly may often led to a broken heart. Give people permission to accept or reject you. Don’t believe in a fantasy. If you are able to find someone who reciprocates your love, then you’ve found someone special. Learn to be realistic in your romantic hopes and dreams. I remember being infatuated with a girl for about two years in my late twenties. She never reciprocated any affection or true attraction towards me. One thing I learned from that relationship was this, if someone only wants your friendship… then that’s all you can give them.
Last myth. Sometimes it’s better not to pursue someone… because I would rather assume rejection than be rejected.
Usually when someone is unwilling to take risks in life or is afraid of the unknown… they tend to settle for what they know. And, ultimately their fear of rejection just yielded another situation with different problems. Don’t fear rejection.
I remember one situation where I approached a woman I never would have thought would give me any attention. She was a model. I only knew her from social media, and I saw her at a party. But, after I approached her, I soon realized she was cool. We even exchanged personal information afterwards. Oftentimes, our perceptions of someone don’t provide us the truth. You have to step out to meet someone in real life. Be positive. You never know what can happen. Always be optimistic… but, also use wisdom.