At times when I ponder upon life, as I sit back in my chair during the day, or sit up in my bed at night.  Arbitrary thoughts, ideas, and questions loom in and out of my mind.  A question popped into my mind the other night, and I am still searching for a reasonable, rational answer; it is the question of, “If I am asking too much from those who I’m in relationship with?”  It’s a deep question for someone to ask themselves; because the question deals with your personal expectations, more so than other people’s actions.

How can you know that you are asking too much from a friendship?  I’ve had to ask myself this question many times, as a relationship with a person may change its label or definition over time.  As most people change their list of best friends throughout their life, due to various circumstances such as going to college, moving to another city, or changing a career.  I remember at one point in my life, I found that the people closest to me changed multiple times within a year or two, as we all made decisions to move in different directions in life.

I feel so strongly about my relationships with people, because I so value the energy I receive from them.  It’s just who I am, it’s in my nature.  Just a simple delightful smile can so brighten my day with positive energy, just as a person disrespecting me with their foul language and ignorant thinking can overshadow the light in my spirit.  Though, I know I shouldn’t allow myself to be hurt by the negative words or actions of others; I feel if I put up a shield of insensitivity I will lose my ability to care, and I’m lying to myself because I really do care.  Therefore I’m trying to do the hard job of finding the space between caring and insensitivity in my relationships, all while loving them.

After writing this, I feel that there is no reasonable answer to the question.  I guess living life is all about moving forward. The two things which may provide an answer to having the right expectations in relationships is: my choice to love over all else, and just having a positive attitude towards life by shaking off all of my disappointments, my expectations, and let my life just take its course.  I’m learning to stop holding on to people, and reach forward for new passions, new loves, and new relationships.

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Jason Perry

I'm a black man with Christian values. A father to my son, a friend to those who desire my friendship, a lover of life and even more...

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This is my journal, my journey, and my perspective in life – JP

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