As Mother’s Day quickly approaches my mind is overcome with thoughts about my own history as it relates to the women in my life. Two of the most impactful women in my life are my mother and paternal grandmother. Although I have experienced love by so many people during my life, I have to place these two women above all others. I find myself often referring to them as “my mother” or “my grandmother” because in my heart I think of them as mine.

I’ve heard it said that there is no love like a mother’s love, as we are all indebted to the women who have endured the pain of childbirth in order to give us life.

My Mother

My mother knows who she is and what she means to me. I love my mom. Mom has been there for me through the ups and downs of my entire life.

As a little boy my friends used to call me a “momma’s boy”… and I was. Whether they called me that to judge my passive personality or to make fun of me and my relationship with my mom, I didn’t care. I grew up feeling family was always first, but I later learned that wasn’t always the case.

As I have matured as a man, especially as a single father who’s experienced divorce, I look at my mother with respect. I see where she has come from and understand where she is now. I see her as a black woman who has worked hard to achieve her own life pursuits, and overcome so many obstacles. In my opinion, no matter how anyone wants to judge or categorize her, I feel she has succeeded in life.

My Grandmama

What can I say about my grandmother? Her value in my life is tremendous. She passed away before I entered high school. I only knew her for the first 12 years of my life. Nevertheless, the memories I have of her still breathe life to my heart to this very day.

I have to say all of my grandparents meant a lot to me. I called my paternal grandmother “Grandmama” and my maternal grandmother, “Momo”.

Growing up on a 200 acre farm in a small country town in Louisiana, my paternal grandparents were literally my only neighbors 🙂 . Grandmama was my first best friend. She was a quintessential teacher that embodied love, patience, kindness, almost every good virtue I can imagine. She helped to instill a desire to live a life of excellence into my character.

Some of my fondest memories of her involve her teaching me how to clean a home, properly fold bedsheets, and eating whatever she cooked. Now that I think about it, I believe she was the first person I remember seeing fry chicken. My grandparent’s home was like a school, playground, and restaurant wrapped all into one place. These three memories of my grandmama stand out to me the most.

• Calling her over the phone: When I grew up, we used rotary phones. As a child, my brother and I had our own phone in our bedroom. At the time, I only had to dial the last four numbers of a phone number in order to dial the number. I still remember her number to this day, #5279. I’ll never forget having the freedom and luxury to be able to call her whenever I wanted to.
• Clean my dirty knees: Like any country boy who spent countless hours outside getting dirty, I had a difficult time understanding why I needed to be clean. I’ll never forget listening to grandmama tell me I needed to bathe properly and clean my knees. Then I smartly remarked and told her, “well, you have dirt on your knees.” As I saw a speck of dirt on her knee. Then she smiled and said, “You’re right.” Then she easily plucked the speck of dirt off her knee and said, “I just cleaned it. Now you have to clean your knees.” In that moment I had a deep revelation. I immediately realized that I was so much dirtier than she was, and grandmama was way cleaner than me 🙂 .
• Counting numbers: Math has always been my favorite subject. For some reason I’ve always been good at math. I remember running over to her house after coming home from elementary school to tell her I learned how to count to one hundred. This was a big deal to me. I just remember her sitting in the living room listening to me count from zero to one hundred. This memory is just an example of how available, loving and patient she was with me.

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The Facts of Life

My uncle Howard would always say to me, “Let me tell you something about life.” 🙂 . That statement was always a preface to some sort of life history lesson he was about to lecture me on.

One of the interesting things about my mother and grandmama was they were both strong Christians, both college educated, and both teachers by profession. As a child I didn’t understand how rare it was for an African American woman of my grandmother’s age to have a college degree. She graduated from Leland College at a time where few African Americans (men or women) were able to receive a proper education in Louisiana during the 1940s and 1950s, when laws and rules where established to perpetuate inequality and unequal treatment of Black people due to Jim Crow.

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My father passed around 8 years ago, but I remember him telling me that my grandparents were the first black family in our parish to own and live in a brick home. Whether this is true or not, what stands out to me the most about his statement was how rare it was for blacks in Louisiana to accumulate wealth. It helps me to realize how much African Americans, as a community, have had to overcome in order to secure wealth due to the impacts of slavery and racism.

In a recent conversation with a friend about life, I spoke about how difficult it is to be a single parent living in an area without a community. Essentially as a foreigner. Everything I do, any care I receive for my son, etc… I either have to do it myself or I have to pay for it, as I have no support system built through relationships and family. And, I know I’m blessed.

My personal life has shaped my perspective of people who don’t show gratitude or appreciation towards others. It makes me think about the psychology of a person who proudly enslaves another human being by force, treating them less than that of an animal, while training them psychologically to devalue themselves… all for what? To do work they don’t want to do?

If you are surviving in a world built to oppress you… then you have succeeded and you are an overcomer. Happy Mother’s Day to all the mothers out there who are spreading love and giving life to others!