There is a gender war going on in America. It’s no denying it. Almost every single day I am bombarded by news, social media posts, and podcasts by men and women who are spreading hate and/or unwarranted unjust criticism towards the opposite sex.

I understand there is no avoiding conversations on modern gender roles in society, gender equality, feminism, women’s rights, etc. However, I just can’t stand it when people go out of their way to spread hate, shame, or any negative energy to others… regardless if it’s about a person’s gender or whatever. Especially when they could easily take that same energy and spread love and kindness.

There is nothing wrong with addressing factual information. I believe it’s nothing wrong with criticizing people, as long as the criticism is fair, just, and proper. I take it like I give it. I even receive criticism from people I do not respect… if their criticism is made in a spirit of love.

The truth is… there are so many people criticizing others with evil or malicious intentions.

3 Reasons Why People Perpetuate This Gender War

1. Selfish Ambition – some people simply want attention.
2. Ego – some people need to feel righteous, or at least feel their opinion is right.
3. Emotionally Damaged (they experienced hurt in some way) – hurt people, hurt people. So, some people’s opinions are rooted in their desire to inflict pain, get revenge, or assert superiority. Or, their need to feel desired or wanted by the opposite sex has gone unmet, which has created an attitude of resentment.

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We have to as least try to be more united as America’s pledge of allegiance declares we should be. I want to make my black community more united, and also bring unity to those within my Christian faith, which is not an easy task. However, I can’t do it alone and it’s not going to be easy. This pursuit of love and unity requires taking small steps. The first step begins with being proactive and not reactive.

Never give someone the power to control your actions, thoughts, and decisions. So, stay away from people who want to control you.

Then, I believe men and women have to identify their imperfections, acknowledge them, and correct them. As no one is perfect. Additionally, we have to exercise a greater degree of love and respect for those around us. As we should not treat each other like enemies. Plus, there is no gender in the Kingdom of God.

There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free, there is no male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus. — Galatians 3:28 ESV

I totally understand both men and women have been wounded by each other. I’ve personally experienced all types of hurt from women, from something as simple as rejection and social discrimination, to things more violent like verbal and physical abuse. Those were real experiences and they created real emotional scars. What has helped me to get past that hurt is I always understood those individuals who hurt me did not truly represent all women.

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The ramifications of this gender war, in conjunction with cancel culture, does not only just affect single adults, like myself who are looking to create relationships, I recognize it is also affecting those who are married as well. I believe as we all attempt to be more amicable with one another and ending this gender war, we have to focus on being patient, more understanding, and forgiving people when they hurt us.

Be Patient With People

One thing I’ve recently learned is that people are adopting social behaviors in their real life which are acceptable in their virtual relationships. This is causing more people to be less patient, place less value in real people, and quicker to respond disrespectfully.

Plus, everyone has a lot going on in their lives. People are dealing with real issues. They don’t have stable careers. They are unhappy in their personal life. They feel alone in this world. A lot of people are dealing with personal health issues, or managing the health issues of people close to them. So, it’s important to be patient in relationships.

Allow someone the freedom to grow and mature without judgment. Use wisdom in setting relationship expectations so you don’t cancel a relationship too quickly. Because quality people are hard to find and don’t grow on trees.

Real love is intentional… it’s not casually given or received.

Be Quick to Forgive and Slow to Anger

Some people may not be aware of this… but no one agrees on everything. If you are in a relationship it’s a 100% chance you will eventually have a disagreement on something.

There are no perfect relationships. So, it is natural and healthy to occasionally disagree. However, there are ways to respond to disagreements and feelings of offense. As oftentimes our true feelings are shown with the most clarity in how we choose to respond during an argument, debate, or emotional conversation.

Forgiveness doesn’t always mean ‘turning the other cheek’ and allowing someone to hurt you over and over. Forgiveness is about giving someone you love the opportunity to recognize their actions and apologize.

It’s 2024. Like Katt Williams said on Club Shay Shay… it’s time for a reckoning 🙂 . Let’s start the new year off right.