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To My Future Wife

The holidays make us all emotional. Christmas and Thanksgiving will always help me recognize what’s most important to me… family and love.

It is now a few weeks into 2020; I’ve begun to notice a lot of females on social media posting unfiltered heartfelt opinions… mind you, this isn’t always the norm. So, I stumbled across a Facebook post (seen below) and it really struck me for some reason. After reading it, I was encouraged me to write a letter to my future wife.

Though an unknown woman wrote this post, for some reason I believe her feelings echo in the hearts of most single professional women who are looking for a husband. I find most women, around my age, already know what they don’t want, they may know they type of men they attract, and they definitely know who they are.

I do know one thing. Every woman fears the thought of “settling”. Fear causes us to close our hearts to affection. It makes us cringe when we feel real love… as we fear reliving the hurts felt in past experiences.

I suppose anything new can be frightening at first. But, what is “settling” really? Not everyone defines it the same. I define it as simply making my best decision from the options available to me.

Nevertheless, let me breakdown some of her post so I can better understand the thoughts which lie in the mind of a single professional black woman who is looking for a husband… which is essentially the type of woman I’m interested in 🙂 .

“Dear Husband, I truly do not believe that you even exist…” – This lets me know that she is realistic, and has rationalized in her heart of the possibility of never marrying. I feel she wants more from a man than for them to simply bear the title of “husband”. Her social circle is probably small, so she probably doesn’t have many men (that she’s interested in) pursuing her.

“I need you to know what it feels like to need me.” – Man… this is such a powerful statement! I have never said this to anyone. On a surface level it lets me know that she wants her husband to not only want her, but to need her. One thing I know about needs… they are very hard to let go. This tells me that she is looking for someone to commit to her before she commits to him.

“If I place my hands in yours, I need your palms to overlap mine in a way others only see the blended fingerprints we create.” – What a poetic statement. Those words elude to her fear of the possibility of not being in love with her future husband. I believe most single professional women want a family. Even though most women love to go out drinking and traveling with their girlfriends, they still are not truly satisfied with that. She desires intimacy.

Eventually, we all come to a point where the need for intimacy overwhelms our fears of rejection.

Reading her Facebook post has sparked me to write a letter to my future wife. It’s time to have an honest conversation about it, even if it’s with myself 🙂 .

To My Dearest Love,
Finding my way to you has not been an easy path. Yet, it is the path I have chosen due to circumstances and reasons which are beyond my understanding. I’m not the man you see on social media posts, I’m not the man you see at church, nor can I be seen only through your eyes. To accurately see me, you will need to walk with me and feel me.

I have sown seeds in gardens which have yielded no fruit. So, now I only work gardens with good soil and eat from trees that are willing to be pruned. Also know my attraction to you physically is why I spoke to you, it will not be why I love you.

You will be a precious gift that will broaden my purpose in life. This will be a long journey for both of us. And, although I am ready for a life filled with adventure, I am also ready to take on the challenge of learning you.

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