Site icon Jason's Journal

Lonely… Stressed… Tired

I’m learning that HOPE is something not to take for granted. Hope can make someone go crazy, especially if they are hoping for something unrealistic. I know it’s weird, but I often think about the people who sailed across the ocean without GPS. How in the world could someone get in a boat and travel for weeks to an unknown place across thousands of miles of turbulent ocean water? What would make someone do something so courageous and scary!!? To leave everything they knew and held dear, in hope of pursuing a dream or finding something better.

One thing I hope for is to find true love from someone that loves me for me. I hope to get married, start a family, and live happily ever after 🙂 . Well it’s true. Right now, the life I live is a very lonely life even though I have a lot of relationships. I used to talk on the phone to women all the time, but now I guess I’m busy and they are too. Being in my mid-thirties most of my friends are probably either married or getting married, and busy living life with their families. Most of my single friends are busy focusing on building their career, which is my situation as well.

I know that I’m at an awkward place in life when it comes to relationships. I’m too old and mature for women who are still trying to find themselves, go out all the time and don’t know what they want. I live in a place where most attractive women between 25-35 are single mothers, married, divorced, or just getting out of a bad relationship. And lastly, I don’t have a lot of free time, patience, and energy to invest in searching through every church, bar, and restaurant to find that diamond in the rough (beautiful woman) who may or may not be even looking for a relationship. Plus I’m not looking for a sex-buddy, or some superficial relationship, and I feel that makes some women a little scared for some reason.

I’m not happy with what life is offering me right now. Recently I’ve been thinking about what motivates people to be courageous, or do unusual things, like sail across the ocean. You know, I don’t know if I could ever be unhappy enough to get on a boat and sail across the ocean, but I know that consistent unhappiness would definitely make me get in my car and drive back to California.

What would you do for the hope of having real love? I suppose you never really know until the situation presents itself. What do you want in life? I want to be happy. That may be unrealistic, but it’s what I want nevertheless.

Right now, I’m tired of taking classes in graduate school, I’m stressed out about living in my mom’s house and my poor relationship with both of my parents, and I broke up with my girlfriend a few weeks ago, so I’m lonely. I guess nothing lasts forever, except true love. I know God loves me and is looking out for me. I suppose I need to pray more.

Exit mobile version