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Christmas 2012

The past few days haven’t been the greatest of times for me at all. In fact, in the last two weeks I have gone through so much emotional distress and experienced unexpected tragedies which tested my inner strength and my core beliefs. So, being that today is Christmas, I really didn’t expect to feel the Christmas spirit… like singing Christmas carols, or giving and receiving gifts, or even celebrating the day with a special someone. And, honestly I really didn’t want to go anywhere or do anything. But, I ended up visiting a friend’s family and I spent Christmas evening with them and two of my good friends… which was a blessing, because I really enjoyed myself and just being in a family environment.

Today in summation, I feel was a really good day. I spent it with some great people, I had fun, I smiled, and I was able to gain relationships with people I never met before. Although today was a good day, it was by no means an ordinary joyful Christmas day, it still had it’s ups and downs, to say the least.

My Christmas began, as I was awakened at the conclusion of a nightmare and the sound of my roommate talking and texting on his phone. I dreamed that I was back home in Louisiana, and my father was trying to kill me! The dream was just crazy! Now, waking up being somewhat perplexed and annoyed, I was actually feeling the stress of the day before I even got out of bed.

I won’t even go into the overwhelming feelings I felt during the day, from being away from home to feelings of loneliness… then I also had to break some bad news to a close friend of mine today. My whole day up until evening was just stressful! So, evening comes and two of my good friends and I go and have Christmas dinner at a friend’s house. It was amazing! I felt so much love in that house, they really embraced me and loved on me. And, just when I thought the day was getting better… I end up getting into a heated discussion with a friend about being judgmental… I’m like “Oh my goodness”! And as the night progressed I felt as if my honest feelings were offensive to her.

Sometimes I feel as though it’s better for me not to give my opinions at all. And, that is why I choose to be silent in many cases. It’s not that I don’t have anything to say, I just feel that my perspective on issues are not easily understood. People just don’t want to spend the effort to view things from someone else’s perspective. I feel that many of my feelings come from a perspective of wisdom. And, I will never forget this passage of scripture… where it talks about wisdom in a way that shows the futility of having it. It says in Ecclesiastes 1:18 – “… in much wisdom there is much grief, and increasing knowledge results in increasing pain.” Often times, I have felt that my feelings and opinions were offensive to some people around me. And, in many cases, even my friends label me as being judgmental, saying that I judge people based upon their actions or beliefs by expressing my like or dislike of who they are or what they represent.

I wanted to begin and end this day with love and solace… but, that didn’t happen in the physical natural realm. But, it did happen in the spiritual realm… because I do believe the old rhyme that I learned as a child, as it has stayed close to my heart, and it says that – “Jesus loves me, this I know, because the Bible tells me so…”

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